NOOOOOO!!!!!!

OF ALL THE BARS IN GRASS LIKE WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THE SHACK????

Jackson Citizen Patriot Story Here.

At least Missy says she'll be able to rebuild. Way to burn down the only good bar in town doucher!

Oh and the Wings swept the BJs! MULE!

Avril Lavigne is Hot Because She's Canadian

*DISCLAIMER*
This post has nothing to do with Avril Lavigne, even though her hotness is undeniable.

I received some troubling medical news today...and it's on YouTube for everyone to see...


That's right. I'm a fat ass. There was a time in my life where I could be proud of the fatness, but that time has long been gone. So I did what anyone else would have done...

I joined a contest.

Rob Lunn over at FWG started the "Formerly Fat White Guy" contest and I'm one of 6 contestants competing for prizes. The person to lose the most weight by July 18th wins. First place gets a couple FWG T-shirts and free UConn football tickets (Lunn played at UConn...seriously read his blog). Second place gets T-Shirts and takes over the FWG Blog for the day. Naturally, I'm shooting for second place because people actually read his blog.

Lunn had this to say about me...
"A lot of people go to school for 9 years, we call them doctors. But in this case, we’ll call him “Tony.” Tony sent me an email telling me that he was basically a chronic underachiever and in keeping with that theme would only be trying for second place, meaning he’d get to take over the blog for a day, score a free t-shirt, and go back to his life of mediocrity. I like his commitment (or lack thereof?)."

As depressing as it sounds, the guy hit it on the head. But not only am I a chronic underachiever, I am a horribly competitive chronic underachiever with a bit of a gambling problem. I'm currently taking side bets with whoever wants to step up. Go on over to the Formerly Fat White Guy Contest Page and pick your pony. Then leave me a comment and let's gamble! It's not about winning and losing, it's about living a healthy lifestyle...and avoiding this...



Red Wings Live Blog Tomorrow at 7. How about you pricks actually show up this time?

Red Wings LiveBlog!

Mobile Posting Yo!

I found out I could text in a post to blogger and they'll post is for me. I'm kinda fired up about this. No pictures is a bummer but whatever. I went with mom and pop on a road trip to Kansas city this weekend to watch lil bros spring game at Avila university. It was raining kinda hard so the coach there cancelled the game. An hour later it was 72 and sunny. Fail. Anyways, the wings are up 2-0 in their series with the BJs. Ozzie and the Wings blanked the BJs 4-0 last night and the series heads to Columbus Tuesday. I would love to liveblog it but I have too much homework to get done for my finals on Tuesday. 10 page rhetorical criticism of GW Bush's speech after 9/11. Should be fun. Is it just me or does it really appear that the Wings are playing extremely well to start this playoff run? Ozzie's play has been just one big FU to everyone who doubted him and i love it! How bout the pistons letting Bron Bron run wild for 38 last night? C'mon guys, at least ACT like you give a rat's ass. The Tigers won last night behind a great performance by Jackson. He's proving to be quite the pickup. Currently im in the backseat of the parent's impala with lil brother's dog Axle. It's raining and we just passed the sign for William Stratton state park on I-80 in Illinois. I'm expecting about 5 more hours until we get back to Grass Lake. Awesome.

It's 180 miles to Chicago. We've got half a tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses. HIT IT!

RED WINGS LIVE BLOG

It's About That Time Eh?

Tonight starts the opening round of the NHL playoffs. In case you don't read the paper or have a TV set or live in Arizona, the Wings drew the Columbus Blue Jackets for the first round.

Due to the fact that it is the playoffs and I am one of the most overly superstitious people on the planet. I will not predict who will win any series in the Western Conference because only one team matters to me and I could not in any way be objective. But as for the Eastern Conference matchups...

#1 Boston vs. #8 Montreal - An Original Six matchup in the first round features two teams that hate each other more than Texans hate people who read above a 5th grade level. It's that hatred that will force this series to see at least 6 games with Boston eventually moving on.

#2 Washington vs. #7 New York Rangers - Although a playoff season full of Sean Avery (who is back with the Rangers) would be very entertaining to me, I have to say Washington moves on seeing no more than 5 games. Washington and Ovechkin are simple too good. Hilarious preview of this series here.

#3 New Jersey vs. #6 Carolina - Carolina has been playing great hockey as of late and still have quite a few remnants of the team that won the Stanley Cup a few years ago. New Jersey has Jesus Brodeur in net. Carolina in 7?

#4 Pittsburgh vs. #5 Philadelphia - BATTLE OF THE KEYSTONE STATE!! I want to say Philly wins this series but c'mon, the fix is already in. There is no way Gary Bettman and his cronies allow the Penguins to get beat in the first round. Pens in 5 because Sidney Crosby is still considered Hockey Jesus.

And there are my round one predictions for the Eastern Conference. My heart says Boston will win the East but my head keeps telling me it's going to be Washington. I'm saying this and sticking with my guns, Boston wins the Prince of Wales trophy and plays some team from the Western Conference for the Stanley Cup.

As for the Western Conference Matchups...without predictions.
#1 San Jose vs. #8 Anaheim - A great rivalry that should be fun to watch. Don't Sharks eat Ducks?

#2 Detroit vs. #7 Columbus - Blue Jackets first trip to the post season in franchise history...more on this later.

#3 Vancouver vs. #6 St. Louis - The Blues have been the hottest team in hockey since the All-Star break. It'd be nice to see them move on. Vancouver still has Luongo and the Sedin twins.

#4 Chicago vs. #5 Calgary - Chicago is going to be the next big thing in the NHL next season. Calgary has a ton of former Michigan players. When in doubt you go with the team with the most Red Berenson guys. That being said...Chicago is 4-0 against the Flames this season. I'm just saying.

Without jinxing anything, one of the above teams will win the West and take on a team from the East (Boston) for the Stanley Cup Finals.

Ok moving on...

The Columbus Blue Jackets? I remember when the NHL announced that Columbus was getting a team. It blew my mind. Of all the large cities in Ohio...they figured the best place to drop an expansion team was F-ing Columbus? Not Cleveland or Cincinnati? I figured it would never work.

I was wrong. The Blue Jackets (who from now on will be refered to as the BJs because typing out Blue Jackets is annoying and yes for the sexual connotation. They are an Ohio team, I do not like them) have a rabid fan base and a Civil War cannon they like to shoot off after goals in their building. Playing in Columbus is typically not a treat but throw in the fact that it's the BJs first trip to the post season, things could get pretty rowdy and the place could be tough to play in.

Keys to winning this first round matchup are brought to you by the letters, N, M, T, U, and O

N is for Nash - Rick Nash is a young and underrated superstar in the NHL. Nash scored 40 goals this season (5th in the league) and handed out 39 assists for 79 points. Nash has been a Red Wing killer throughout his career. This season in 6 games against the Wings he has 6 goals including two short handers in the same game. In 38 career games vs. Detroit, Nash has 37 points. The guy can straight up play hockey and stopping him is the key to winning the first round series.

M is for Mason - Steve Mason is a 20 year old goaltender from Oakwood, Ontario. Drafted in 2006 by Columbus, Mason is going to be the next great netminder in the NHL. In 61 games this season, Mason has a 33-20-7 record with the league's second best GAA at 2.29. The kid is a shoe in for the Calder Trophy (rookie of the year). Just like I harped on all last year throughout the playoffs, the best way to beat a goalie is to get a lot of traffic in front and pepper him with shots from all over the place. Mason takes up a lot of the goal with his 6'4 frame but he's still very young and has never played in a playoff game in the NHL.

T is for Tyutin - Fedor Tyutin is the BJs best blueliner. Another young and talented player, the 25 year old Tyutin has developed into a fundamentally sound player instead of the human cannonball he was while with the Rangers. 9 goals and 25 helpers give Tyutin 34 points with a +/- of +1. That plus/minus stat is intruiging because Tyutin played in all 82 games this season, you would think it would be a little higher for a player of his caliber. Tyutin had 81 penalty minutes this season. A career high which means get him agitated and he'll do something stupid and the Wings will go on the power play.

U is for Umberger - RJ Umberger was a star at THE Ohio State University back in the early 2000s. Yet another relatively young player at 26 years old. Umberger was great for the Flyers playoff run back in 2007 with 15 points in 17 games. This season, Umberger registered 26 goals and 20 assists for 46 points with a +/- of -10. Yikes, a -10 while playing all 82 games. This is good for the Wings, when you see Umberger on the ice...start shooting. It will go in.

O is for the state of Ohio - For those of you that failed geography or have never looked at a map, Ohio is the state directly south of Michigan that isn't Indiana. Ohio is generally viewed as the worst state in the union. Ohio smells like fecal matter. Ohio cops are dicks that will pull you over for sneezing. People from Ohio are usually uneducated douchebags. In Ohio, it is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. Ohio is home to Cleveland, Cleveland set a river on fire. Columbus is the capital of Ohio, therefore, since Ohio sucks, Columbus and all of her residents also suck. Columbus is a whore. OHIO SUCKS!!

That being said, hopefully you're now ready to be a borderline educated fan for this first round of the NHL playoffs. All games in this series are on Fox Sports Detroit and start at 7 except on Saturday when it inexplicably starts at 6.

IT'S PLAYOFF TIME!!! Red Wings Live Blog tomorrow night with Otter and a Hot and Ready pizza. If Otter will talk to me that is.

Oh and on a side note...Galarraga pitched an absolute GEM today against the Pale Hosers from Chicago. Tigers win 9-0. Boo-Yah!

Random Acts of Randomness

Apparently Allen Iverson wasn't a good idea at all. Reports are saying he's been essentially banned from the Pistons and, as heard on 97.1 this morning, he's been banned from two of the three downtown casinos. Um, wow.

Unfortunately, the Pistons made the playoffs as the 8th seeded team in the Eastern Conference and will play Cleveland in the first round. This is really a win-win for me because if they win this series it gives Ohio a big FU and if they lose, I don't have to watch, talk, or write about them anymore until they screw up on draft day or fire Michael Curry...whichever happens first (I'm guessing Curry).

Speaking of Pistons, I heard today that Isiah Thomas just took the head coaching job at Florida International University...that's all I have to say about that. It still amazes me how far the Pistons have fallen this season and I'm not sure who to blame. I'm trying not to blame Joe D but...it's hard not to.

Let's talk Lions...no, no let's not. (Mock Draft is soon approaching)

The Tigers are now 4-4 on the year but that's not anything worth talking about. Mark "The Bird" Fidrych passed away on his farm in Massachusetts while fixing a truck. The Bird has long been considered one of the most intruiging men to ever play the game of baseball. I of course never saw him pitch, but I do remember my dad talking fondly of him. I've never heard anyone say a bad thing about Mark Fidrych. He was 54. (More on Fidrych from people who actually know what they're talking about here, here, here, here, and here)

On a lighter note, the Tigers play today at 1 against the absolutely hated almost as much as the Tribe, White Sox. Zach Miner got roughed up for 8 runs over 3 1/3 innings. That's just not gonna cut it and I would like to lead the charge to bring Nate Robertson back into the rotation. I mean, it would be good to have a lefty in the rotation right? Maybe? That's just me and what do I know right? Porcello gets the ball today for the Tigers. I have a bet with a buddy of mine that Rick Porcello will win 15 games this season in the Major Leagues...today would be a good day to notch that first one against the hated Palehosers from the Windy City.

The NHL Playoffs start in Detroit on Thursday at 7. The Wings ended up as the #2 seed in the West and will square off with Columbus (yes, Ohio has hockey) in the first round. Full preview of the first round will happen either later tonight or tomorrow. Personally...I like our chances.

I hate the April in the D song more than I hate cancer. I wish I was joking. It's awful and those in charge of it should be fired.

Tigers Live Blog!

My New Most Disliked Tiger

Edwin Jackson was lights out tonight. Absolutely, without question lights freaking out. Until Patterson said, "Keep him in, he's pitching a one hitter."

Of course, next pitch...gone. No more shut out. Otter and I were still optimistic, a two run lead late in the game will give you brief glances of optimism. Bobby Seay came in, faced one batter, got the out and his work was done for the night.

And then...Brandon Lyon happened. Yes, the same Brandon Lyon that gave up back to back to back to back home runs against Boston in spring training. The same Brandon Lyon that occasionally closed for the Diamondbacks last year and was supposed to be the closer for the 09 Tigers. I had my doubts after the Boston Massacre and those doubts were realized tonight.

With two away in the bottom of the 8th Lyon served up a meatball to Aaron Hill who promptly hit the ball half way to Moose Jaw to give the Jays the lead.

Hope was not lost as Inge came up and hit another moonshot to tie the game in the top of the 9th but then Lyon was for some reason left in the game where he loaded the bases and Rod Barajas hit a walk off sac fly to center to end the game.

After a great (spectacular really) start by Jackson, Brandon Lyon lost the Tigers their second game of the season. And in one fell swoop...has earned himself onto my shit list along with Bobby Higginson, Juan Gonzalez, and Fernando F-ing Rodney as my most disliked Tigers of all time.

And wtf Leyland? Why not Perry or hell even Rodney in the 9th? Get gas can Lyon out of the damn game! I know who I'm gonna boo like hell when I make my first trip to Comerica this year.

Brandon Lyon, you suck.

WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!! Opening Day LiveBlog!

OPENING DAY and Some Basketball Game

An hour and a half from this very second (give or take a couple seconds or so) the 2009 Tigers season will officially be underway. Verlander will take the hill against Roy Halliday. Yikes.

In other news...around 9:30ish the Spartans will play for the National Championship against the chumps from tobacco road North Carolina. I want to take this quick moment to remind you that if you're not rooting for State tonight....you're a douchebag.

TECHNOLOGY UPGRADE ANNOUNCEMENT!
Tonight we (well, me, I) will be liveblogging the Tigers' opener using a feature called Cover It Live. CIL basically works like a chatroom and will allow me to liveblog the game without having to continually refresh my blogger publisher page. What this means for you, my dear readers, is that you can come to Tobacco Juice Sports, click on CIL conversation, select a username and join in the conversation with witty banter, insights, opinions, and personal insults directed to myself. This will also allow me to take the (ISH) off of the typical Live(ish) Blog post. Which is nice.

So remember, tonight...WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!!


LiveBlog starts at 7:00 if you're not too busy, you should stop by and tell me what you really think.

SPARTY ON!!

News and Notes and Stuff

Porcello is in the rotation, Perry is in the bullpen, and Thames is the DH.

So is this some kind of April Fool's joke on me or something? Everything I wanted the Tigers to do, they did? I like it!

So according to the Freep and the Detroit News and the Tigers' website the Tigers have one more cut to make having to choose between Brent Clevlen and Jeff Larish. Early reports say it will be Larish to take the final roster spot. The only problem I have with this is the fact that Clevlen is out of minor league options and would have to clear waivers for the Tigers to keep him in Toledo and I don't think a player with his potential would clear waivers. The Tigers will most likely try to trade Clevlen before having to lose him to the waiver wire. It's kind of sad but that's how baseball works.

The Free Press reported that the starting rotation will be Verlander, Jackson, Galarraga, Miner, and Porcello (who will most likely be the Comerica Park opening day starter which is kind of bad ass). Robertson, and Seay will be the lefties out of the bullpen with Rincon, Perry, F-ing Rodney, Lyon, and Bonine rounding out the pitching staff. When/if Bonderman gets healthy again and can be effective, this will send Miner back to the pen and could possibly mean Perry goes to Toledo or Erie unless he comes out next week throwing gas and getting outs. The same can be said for Zumaya but, as much as I hate to say this, I'm close to giving up on him. I hope he proves me wrong and can do what he did in 2006 but only time will tell.

The 2009 season starts on Monday at 7:15 in Toronto. Live-ish blog will most likely be happening.

Now for something completely different...

The Pistons are in 7th place in the Eastern Conference. They are two games ahead of 9th place Charlotte. This means I am now a Charlotte Bobcats fan for the rest of the season. I want the Pistons to miss the playoffs, get in the lottery and draft someone useful for next year. Iverson is back and two games after his layoff he's bitching about not playing enough. Joe Dumars...you have failed us as fans and driven the current day Pistons back into the Teal Era Pistons and I am no longer a fan of your team. The hell with it, BRING BACK THE TEAL!!! I'm done with the Detroit Pistons and the NBA as a whole. GO BOBCATS!

Other than Opening Day being 5 days away, the only thing that brings a smile to my face is the Wings. With six games left in the regular season, the Wings have second place in the West locked up and are four points back from San Jose for the President's Cup (awarded to the team with the most points in the regular season and usually a playoff curse). If the season ended today, the Wings would be the second seed in the playoffs and would take on Anahiem in the first round. A matchup that makes me nervous yet confident. It's almost time to grow that playoff beard again!

Oh, and the Lions still suck and will most likely draft Joey Harrington, I mean Matt Stafford with the first pick of the draft. Just what we need, another quarterback that will continue to lead the Lions down the path of ultimate disappointment.

Remember Michigan fans, if you aren't rooting for State this weekend in the Final Four, you're an asshole!
Don't be a douchebag, root for the Sparties!