I Have a Sports Blog. Wait....What???

First of all, I just wanna say....


Ok ok ok, let me start off apologizing for not at least explaining my abrupt leave of absence from this blog read by a little less than a dozen people worldwide. I'll keep it vague because the details are mildly boring. The reason I haven't written in about 4 months is because I have been working with the football team at Eastern Michigan University as defensive quality control, which is a fancy name for "Otter's Assistant" and/or "the guy who breaks down all the film and tends to fall asleep on the job." Either one will work. So that's the reason I have been gone for so long and for the 7 people that noticed, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Now...what did I miss?

Oh right, the greatest disappointment in the history of baseball. The 2008 Detroit Tigers. I'm not going to hit on this too hard because I watched exactly 2/3 of an inning of baseball from August till the end of the season and talking about it after not seeing it would be a slight ethical dilemma for me. I do know this, all summer long I told everyone I talked to about it that they still have a shot, that this team had all the firepower they needed to still make a run late. Well, that run never came and they folded like a cheap wallet in late August.

So of course, the question must be asked. Who's to blame here? I don't have the answer to that, BUT I can tell you who's NOT to blame.

It's not Leyland's fault. Now, when I say this, you all must understand that I would support Jim Leyland no matter what he does. He could go to Mott's Children Hospital and punch babies on the weekends, or go to the pound and kick small puppies and I would still say, "hey, he's still doing a good job." Much like the way I feel about Joe Paterno. He cannot do anything wrong. These guys are essentially the Pope.

It's not Cabrera's fault. The guy lead the American League in home runs in a ballpark that's only slightly smaller than Metro Airport. You can't blame him at all and for all you assholes that said he was overrated, fat, and lazy can shut your goddamned pieholes. He's not overrated.

It's not Inge's fault. What do you want from this guy? Dombrowski trades for a hot young third baseman and leave's Brandon out to dry and he kept on playing. They moved the youngster to first and Guillen to third, he kept on playing. They traded Pudge for Kyle Farnsworth (still the "Ok, I surrender" move of the season) and he went back to playing catcher. Anyone who can deal with that sort of nonsense deserves exactly zero percent of the blame. Also, isn't it weird that we have one of the best third basemen in the league playing behind the dish instead of at the corner? I'm just saying.

It's not Jonesy's fault. He was borderline lights out earlier in the year when he was actually put into save situations. Now he's out of baseball and we have Captain Gasoline Fernando Fucking Rodney as our closer until Zumaya gets healthy which should be sometime in 2015 or so when he makes his first comeback attempt. For some reason, as much as I hated watching Todd Jones, he sure was fun to watch. I hope he enjoys his retirement and reads this and gets me a job at the Sporting News.

It's not Dombrowski's fault...YET. Dombrowski had the go ahead from the Illitch's to make a big move this past off season and that's what he did bringing in a big time hitter and a pitcher who's control has fallen directly off the face of the Earth. Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin were the future of the franchise here in Detroit and we just kind of mortgaged the future to win now. If for some reason Dontrelle doesn't return to form (or at least get back to being a capable starter here and there) then we can put the blame on Dombrowski. As soon as Maybin and Miller make their first All Star team together, or win their first NLDS with the Marlins next season (yeah, I'm calling it) that's when we look at Dombrowski and say, "What the hell was THAT Dave?"

OK, enough with the Tigers it's pissing me off. In fact, that is the last mention of the Tigers in 2008. The topic of the Tigers is grounded until January 1st, 2009.

Let's talk instead about a topic that will REALLY piss me off. As a life long Michigan fan, I am disappointed with the team's lack of winning this season. Who wouldn't be? They lost to State at home yesterday but oddly enough, I'm ok with it. I believe in RichRod and once he and his guys get used to each other and he gets his players in, everything will be full systems go in Ann Arbor. I'm not at all pissed off about Michigan. Eastern however is another story...

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday after a 22 point drubbing from Ball State (who WILL NOT lose this season, yeah, they're that good) and we got around to talking about the losing culture of Eastern Michigan Football. Eastern has not had a winning season since 1995. That's 13 straight seasons of losing more games than you've won. First of all, how is that even possible? How is it possible for such mediocrity to take over an entire university. When did losing become an OK thing to do? The guys play their asses off every week...

(I had a lot of other stuff typed in this area but decided it was a bad idea to publish it right now so here's a picture of Elisha Cuthbert instead.)


(Oh, and here's another picture that Patterson gave me and told me to put on here)



We were at Ball State yesterday. They're #20 in the nation right now and they have a head coach who is also their defensive coordinator. He jumps around during a game, he hugs his guys after big plays, he gets after his players in a constructive way when they make mistakes, hell, Hoke even SIGNALS the plays himself. Bill Cubit, the head coach at Western Michigan, calls the offensive plays from the sideline. Not as excitable as Brady Hoke, but still a fired up guy who loves his players. Butch Jones at Central, extremely excitable guy...calls his own plays. There are two common denominators here, these three head coaches call their own plays yes, but these three head coaches are absolutely adored by their players and they routinely win year after year after year. Coincidence?

Nope.

Playskool's "My First Mock Draft Kit"

Just a quick disclaimer...I have no idea what I am talking about. Well, I have a small amount of an idea as to what I am talking about but I really have no idea.

The people (well, Dave) have spoken and they demanded a TJS Mock Draft. Well being that I am back home for the weekend visiting Mom and Pop and maybe a little brother or two, what better time to write about the draft? Today will be the mock draft with the assistance from Dave since we're both back home in Grass Lake and Missy's Grass Shack isn't jumpin until at least 10 (Dave helping is going to be like when your dad told you to hold the flash light while he was fixing the lawn mower in the front yard in broad daylight) and tomorrow I'll see what I'm in the mood for. Probably the typical post talking about how the Lions suck and the Jet's picked the wrong guy because well...there are just certain inevitable truths in life and those are two of them, another big one is gravity.

"With the first pick of the 2008 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select Jake Long offensive tackle from the University of Michigan"

And that is the only pick I am going to get right the rest is a soup sandwich.

2. St. Louis Rams - Vernon Gholston LB/DE Ohio State - Some are saying Glenn Dorsey from LSU but I am saying they go with the freakishly athletic Wolverine killer from Columbus and mainly for those very reasons.

3. Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey DT LSU - I really want to see Matt Ryan taken here but it's the Falcons and they are banking that Mike Vick will be out of prison at some point to lead them to the Super Bowl or at least help clean up the stadium as community service. My bet is, Glenn Dorsey is this season's Steve Emtman.

4. Los Angeles Raiders - Darren McFadden RB Arkansas - With Jamarcus Russel and McFadden in the same backfield, the Raidas are pretty much set for the future. Can't wait till next year's draft so they can draft a great WR with the first overall pick. Yes, I am saying the Raiders will be the worst team in the league in 2008.

5. Kansas City Chiefs - Chris Long DE Virginia - Absolute no brainer here after they traded Jared Allen to Minnesota. Chris Long will be one of, if not THE best player from this year's draft when they look back on it in 5 years. Future Hall of Famer I shit you not.

6. New York Jets - Matt Ryan QB Boston College - Settle down, settle down! This is probably not going to happen as for some reason the Jets think that Clemens is the quarterback of the future for them. I don't believe that to be true and think that Matt Ryan would be great in the Jets' system. Dave is sitting here swearing to God that they are going to take Sedrick Ellis but that pick is too trendy for me. Dave is probably going to be right on this one.

7. New England Patriots - Sedrick Ellis DT USC - The Pats are great at drafting defensive linemen who turn into more than adequate football players later on such as Richard Seymour, among others.

8. Baltimore Ravens - Any Available Quarterback be it Chad Henne (yeah right) Brian Brohm, or Joe Flacco - Trade down and get a QB if Matt Ryan is not available. Please Baltimore, I'm begging you, I can't bear to watch you play with the peanut guy at QB any longer.

9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers LB USC - Seems like a good character guy but I'm sure at some point as the ritual goes with the Bengals, this guy will end up in jail for a night for something someone else did. It's just bound to happen. If they trade Ocho Cinco look for them to take a WR here but they're from Ohio and kind of stupid so they won't trade him.

10. New Orleans - Branden Albert OT Virginia - Reggie Bush isn't the same since the hit that left him crawling on the ground looking for his heart that apparently came flying out when he got hit...still hasn't found it. He's soft. Dave says Mike Jenkins from USF who DOMINATED while I was playing with USF in NCAA 08 for ps2 Dave is probably right with this one too.

11. Buffalo Bills - Devin Thomas WR Michigan State - Devin Thomas is a freak of nature type kid and will be a good to very good receiver in the league, gotta love the Sparties and their ability to produce good receivers. Like Mushin Muhammad, Plaxico Burress...and um Charles Rogers...yeah...bummer

12. Denver Broncos - Chris Williams OT Vanderbilt - Big, nasty, mean, strong, everything you want in an offensive lineman.

13. Carolina Panthers - Ryan Clady OT Boise State - Guy got not one but TWO huge blocks on the play that turned Boise State into the greatest Cinderella story in college football history. If I had a team I would draft him.

14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois - "Local boy does good" will be the headline in the Tribune on Sunday as the Bears pick up the very talented Mendenhall. Reminds me of Curtis Enis, no wait...Rushann Salaam, no wait...Cedric Benson...poor kid, never had a chance.

15. Detroit Lions - Does it really matter? It does? Ok the Lions will choose Branden Albert from Virginia if they listen to Dave. I think it'll be..like I said, does it really matter? The dude is just going to break our hearts with the rest of those clowns. But if anyone who is not a Lions fan says they suck, I will fight you. If you're a Lions fan and you say they suck, it's ok. Fire Millen, Fire the staff, Fire the Fords, sell the team to Illitch, he's a proven winner.

16. Arizona Cardinals - Derrick Harvey LB Florida - Solid linebacker for a team that needs more than that like say a quarterback who doesn't do beer bongs with underaged girls.

17. Kansas City Chiefs (From Minnesota) - I'm a big fan of trading middle first round picks for proven talent to fill a need. Well done Vikes, well done. Kansas City will take the best lineman available to fix their porous offensive line. Any one will do, just find a large dude and put him in a jersey and a helmet and tell him to hit the guy in the other colored jersey. Dave says "Gosder Cherilus from Boston College and he also has the best name in the first round except for that Leonidas guy" (we've been drinking it's ok).

18. Houston Texans - Jonathon Stewart RB Oregon - This will make their rag tag group of running backs obsolete. Stewart is a hell of a ballplayer, tough runner which Houston needs. Hell everyone needs that.

19. Philadelphia Eagles - Limas Sweed WR Texas - In my opinion the best receiver in the draft and to use a Mel Kiper term, has "tremendous upside." I can't wait till tomorrow to play the Mel Kiper drinking game which would be fun but there's just not enough beer to play it. It'd be like playing century club with full beers instead of just shots of beer. Dave claims Mel Kiper has no college education. Dave also believes in Santa Claus AND Hanukah Harry.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Phillip Merling DE Clemson - Saw him play once on CBS or something, seemed like a good player.

21. Washington Redskins - Calais Cambell DE Miami (FL) - Never heard of this guy. Go Canes!

22. Dallas Cowboys - Chastity Stripper Ypsilanti Deja Vu - Somebody has to keep Pac-Man busy so he doesn't get banished to the CFL (good god he would DOMINATE the CFL). Dave insists I put an actual pick here and I say that Dominique Rogers Cromartie kid from Tennessee State will be the pick.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Aaron Krepps WR Washington and Jefferson - Just seems like the logical choice. He's great, just ask him, he'll tell you. Dave says James Hardy WR Indiana (Dave is cheating by reading fifteen different mock drafts from actual "experts" and insists that we keep this serious. Buzzkill)

24. Houston Oilers er, Tennessee Titans - Malcom Kelly WR Oklahoma (boomer sooner!) - This is another player who is going to have a great impact even though they would have liked Limas Sweed since he's already played with Vince Young and that just would have been a nice little story...awww.

25. Seattle Seahawks - Felix Jones RB Arkansas - Dude was McFadden's backup and is still a solid first round pick. After they released Shawn Alexander (my accidental first pick in the fantasy draft in 06 instead of Tomlinson due to a computer glitch...my season was ruined) it's time to restock the cupboard with a solid back at this pick. I think TJ Duckett is going to have a 1500 yard season though...I'm just saying.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars - Quinton Groves DE/OLB Auburn - Nasty football player just nasty...could possibly give Jacksonville a scary good defense next season.

27. A Whale's Vagina Chargers - Jared Mayo LB Tennessee - Just another solid player from Phil Fulmer's football factory and warehouse emporium.

28. Dallas Cowboys - Ray Rice RB Rutgers - Dave says they need a running back and for the first time all night, I actually agree with him but not Ray Rice. Well...maybe Ray Rice. He might be pretty good or he could be a bust.

29. San Francisco 49ers - DeSean Jackson WR Cal - Ted Ginn Jr clone except this guy has talent.

30. Green Bay Packers - Brett Favre QB Southern Mississippi (do to Dave's insisting, I will say they take Aqib Talib CB Kansas)

31. New England Patriots - They commited the cardinal sin and do not get a pick in this slot. The cardinal sin wasn't cheating, the cardinal sin was getting caught. But like I've always said, if you ain't cheatin, you ain't tryin. "That's how I got through most of school!" Dave chimes in.

32. New York Giants - Dan Connor LB Penn State - One tough S.O.B. and he will do very well, very quickly for the G-Men.

Finally, thats the end of the first mock draft and I am completely done writing for the night because that was brutal. The Tigers are down 2-0 right now after Robertson served up a MOONshot to Vlad the Impaler in the top of the 4th. The Pistons are playing too...eh, wake me up when it's game 7.

TOMORROW! Live blog of all the events on tap. Wings at 3, Draft at 3, Tigers at 3:30. Holy mother of God.