Back By Semi-Popular Demand

June 4th, 2009. The day Tobacco Juice Sports was put on life support. There were no signs of life. It was being kept alive only by machine like Ted Williams or that lady that caused all the ruckus a few years back. From that day until this day, I was like one of the relatives visiting the comatose patient less and less until it was almost completely forgotten about and never spoken of again.

Fast forward (or is it re-wind or push play?) to today. December 7th, 2009. THAT COMATOSE SUNNUVABITCH WOKE UP!!

I'M BACK BABY!!

I'm fairly certain nobody missed me and I'm fine with it. Let's recap what's happened since I decided to drop off the face of the blogosphere.

• I lost the Fat White Guy Challenge due to pure laziness and indifference.



• I played a lot of golf.



• The Tigers blew a 7 game lead in the division and watched the assholes from New York win the World Series.



• Brandon Inge got hit with a pitch with the bases loaded and was not awarded 1st base.



• The Wings didn't re-sign Hossa and lost Kopecky and Hudler to free agency or Russia (there were probably others but those are the three that hurt me, and them, the most).



• The Lions are bad...but I have completely reversed my opinion of Matt Stafford.



• The Pistons are still my least favorite thing in the world....



• Tiger Woods banged a bunch of hot chicks because he's Tiger Woods and you're not and he can do that sort of thing except he got caught and his hot wife got pissed and a shitstormbomb exploded.



• The Tigers are in the midst of what is being called "Not a Firesale"



• And finally, The BCS covered its own ass by scheduling Boise State and TCU to play against each other in the biggest goddamned copout in the history of anything.
  

Now that we're all kind of caught up with the random things I pulled out of thin air that may or may not have happened, let's get to the matter(s) at hand and talk about things that really piss me off because, unlike the Hulk, people tend to like me more when I'm angry.

First of all, maybe it's just me but I don't think that Tiger Woods crashing his car at the end of his own driveway after running from his freakishly strong and ridiculously hot Swedish wife after she found out he's been doing what every superstar in the world has been doing since Ty Cobb tagged Anne Margaret and that's going around banging hot chicks in various cities around the world, is worthy of CNN dropping everything and sending a helicopter to his house. Last I heard, Tiger's real name is not Eldrick "Tiger" Christ. The dude is human and he did what most of us dream doing. Travel the world, make gazillions playing golf, and bang random hot chicks. Enough is enough. (Yes I realize the man has a family and he probably shouldn't have been such a retard about it but c'mon, he's been perfect and polished his entire life...a controversy like this was bound to happen.)

Speaking of random hot chicks...Carrie Underwood is on my TV wearing what appears to be some sort of leather pants. Ho-ly-Shit.

Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh right...things that piss me off and other random nonsense.

After listening to 97.1 the Ticket for the better part of 3 and a half consecutive hours while running an errand to Lake Orion and back (don't ask), and the main talk on the Valenti and Foster show was how the Tigers were essentially having a fire sale after not making the playoffs this year. I wouldn't exactly call it a fire sale as much as a cost reduction tactic. Think of it like this. Right now, the Tigers are a chick with a huge rack. It's nice to look at, but for them, it's pretty uncomfortable, so they're gonna go ahead and have a reduction so they still look nice, but they're more comfortable with what they have. If they have to trade Granderson and/or Jackson and/or Cabrera and/or Barry Badrinath (Gerald Laird for those who don't think he looks like said character from BeerFest and if you haven't seen the movie it's time to move out of your cave) so they're more fiscally comfortable, and potentially younger, deeper, and more talented, then I'm completely on board. Look, things are tough right now, but if the Twins can do it with a reduced payroll, why not the Tigers? Hell, I'd rather they do it that way. It's much better than buying a championship like the Yankees have been doing, or trying to do, for the last two decades. Keep the faith Tigers fans, everything is gonna be fine.

As for Matt Stafford...click here and tell me you're not a fan. If you claim to be a football fan and say that after watching the video you're not a Matt Stafford fan and supporter, then you my friend...are an asshole. This is exactly what the Lions have needed since the days of Bobby Layne. A blood and guts, whatever it takes, follow my lead and we're gonna win, type leader at the quarterback position. Are the Lions still 2-10? Yes but c'mon people...there are 22 positions not counting special teams on a football team. Being able to say that you're set at two of them (QB and WR Calvin Johnson is the real deal folks) is not going to help you. We need to at least be shooting .500 and have 11 guys that are halfway decent before we are gonna win. We have a great coach and a mildly better front office...things are gonna change in the next few years I can feel it.

As for the corporate greed that exploits student athletes playing division 1 football in America, better known as the Bowl Championship Series. They screwed it up. That's all there is to say. I 100% agree with Texas and Alabama playing in the mythical "championship" game. Anyone who argues against that probably rode the short bus to school and I did not, so I am not arguing against that. Cincy playing Florida is fine as well. Iowa playing Georgia Tech on the other hand is freaking awful. But not nearly as awful and shady as TCU playing Boise State.

And here is why. TCU and Boise play in non-BCS conferences the Mountain West and the Western Athletic Conference. These two conferences lack the firepower (and cashflow) that the SEC, Big Ten, ACC, PAC-10, and Big East (to a lesser extent) have from top to bottom. New Mexico State would get CRUSHED by teams like Iowa State, Michigan, Washington State, or Duke (maybe) just because they simply have more money and typically better athletes because of the conferences they play in and finished near the bottom of. Since Boise and TCU play teams like New Mexico State and San Jose State, the rest of the country seems to feel as if their 12-0 records don't count and they don't deserve a shot at playing one of the big boys from the BCS conferences in a BCS game. That being said, remember 2006 when Boise State beat Oklahoma in a game where the Sooners were favored by two or more touchdowns in the Fiesta Bowl? Remember last year when Utah beat heavily favored Alabama in the whatever it was Bowl and rightfully claimed that they deserved to be National Champions? Yeah, the BCS decided to nip that little problem in the bud and let the two teams from the weaker conferences with undefeated records play each other so they didn't have to risk an embarassing loss for a BCS conference school like Iowa, Gerogia Tech, or Florida. They also didn't want to risk having potentially 4 undefeated teams at the end of the year, proving what everyone in the world already knows, that the BCS is the biggest bullshit moneymaking ponzi scheme in the history of civilization. TCU and Boise State deserve to play Iowa and Georgia Tech just to prove that just because they play shitbird teams, doesn't mean that they're shitbird teams themselves. And in my honest heart of hearts, I truly believe that TCU could beat Texas, Alabama, Florida, or Cincy. Those teams got absolutely hosed.

Speaking of college football, Brian Kelly and Jim Harbaugh are expected to interview at Notre Dame tomorrow. If Kelly is as smart as I hope he is, he will turn that job down. Notre Dame is where good coaches go to die. That and can you imagine running that pass happy offense in South Bend in November? It's cold as shit in South Bend in November! That'd be a HUGE mistake. Coach Kelly, do us all a favor, stay in Cincy and bring them a National Championship. Don't sell out like I know you probably will.

On a personal note...it's damn good to back. Maybe more tomorrow or the next day.

Oh and there's a picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt to make up for lost time. Speaking of random hot chicks...I'm gonna need suggestions again for the Official Hot Chick of Tobacco Juice Sports.

I'm Still Alive

Yep, still alive just haven't been blogging due to superstitious reasons.

The Wings were on a hell of a run, and I didn't want to screw it up by blogging about it.

Things have changed and here I am, back at the keyboard on a day where I should clearly be out golfing.

Speaking of golf...

This past Sunday I played with Masten and Bechtel at the Grande in Jackson. Mike Vecellio, our elementary school gym teacher and varsity basketball coach at Grass Lake Elementary and High School (and one of the best overall people I have ever met in my life) is in charge of outings and leagues out at the Grande and he got us a Sunday morning tee time for 7:30.

For those of you that don't play golf, there is nothing quite like being the first group out on the course on a sunny Sunday morning. The fog was just lifting, the sun was rising, birds chirping, I tell ya, the whole thing was just poetic. Beautiful does not do it justice.

For those of you that don't know, Masten and Bechtel are both in the golf industry. Bechtel is the course superintendent at Calderone Farms in Grass Lake while Masten is now a PGA Tour certified teaching pro based out of Myrtle Beach at Arrowhead Golf Course. These are two of my best friends in the world and both of them are needless to say, better than me at the great game of golf.

That being said, let's talk briefly about the round. I started out amazingly. I crushed my first drive off the tee and then from about 115 yards or so pitched up onto the green within about ten feet. I ended up two putting the hole for a par to start off my first round at one of the best courses in Michigan. On the par 3 second hole, I won a dollar off my playing partners by sticking my tee shot about 7 feet from the pin. Another two putt and another par and everything was coming up Cole.

And then the wheels feel off for the next two holes when I went 8 and 7 but then settled down to shoot a 52 on the front. Not bad, but not great. At that point, I was just happy to be out there.

I caught a bad case of the shanks on the start of the back nine but rallied to par a couple of holes late and shoot another 52. Like I said, I was just happy to be out there. The course opened in 2001 and I had never played it. I have to say, I'm glad I waited to at least gain some sort of skill before I went out there. The fairways were pretty wide for the most part but errant drives were quick to find the thick rough, woods, or water. The greens were unlike anything I've seen. To say they were fast and undulating (hilly) would be an understatement. Far and away the toughest greens I've ever played. At the same time though, the greens were surprisingly easy to read and every putt rolled true. My opinion of the course was high going in, and even higher going out. On a scale of 1-10, I give it about a 37 and I can't thank Coach V for getting us out there enough.

Now, on to other things.

The Wings play in 2 hours and 17 minutes. Datsyuk is rumored to be back in the lineup and Draper is rumored to be a healty scratch. A lot of people have been talking about how the Wings haven't exactly been playing well this series. I don't understand what they (Mike Valenti on 97.1 mainly) are talking about. Games 1 and 2 were absolutely dominated by the Red Wings. The out shot, out hit, out hustled, out defended, and simply out played the Penguins in those two games. How can anyone complain about how they were playing? I don't understand it.

As for tonight, I see it as an absolute must win game. The last thing I want is for this series to be tied and for it to possibly go to seven games. As much as I love game sevens, I hate them because anything and everything can and will happen. This makes tonight's game a must win game. Just in the sense that I don't want it to go seven games.

What will happen tonight? I think it will look something like this...just imagine the chicken is a Penguin.



The game tonight will be on Versus...which reminds me of a rant I wanted to go on.

THE NHL IS BEING SCREWED BY NBC AND THE FLIMSY CONTRACT WITH NBC/VERSUS NEGOTIATED BY GARY BETTMAN AND HIS CRONIES!!

This is the Stanley Cup Finals. One of the greatest spectacles in all of sports. It should be aired nationally. It isn't aired nationally. NBC has instead chosen to air the embarassment to American society and culture that is "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here." This is why we have to watch the game on Versus. I cannot tell you how mad this makes me. Whoever put the stamp of approval on this, be it at NBC or with the NHL (which folded like a cheap lawn chair on this issue which pisses me off even more) needs to be fired on the spot. And then publicly beaten and humiliated. Tarred and feathered even. Out of protest, I am going to watch the rest of the Finals on the Canadian channel CBC. I still can't believe a show featuring a bunch of D-List asswipes is on instead of the Stanley Cup Finals. It boggles the mind and PISSES ME OFF!!!

SCREW YOU HOCKEY JESUS! BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS MALKIN! YOU SUCK FLEURY! YOU'RE A GOON HAL GILL! YOU'RE EASILY THE WORST STAAL BROTHER JORDAN STAAL! GODDAMNIT DETROIT BEAT THESE CLOWNS TONIGHT AND WIN THE DAMN THING AT THE JOE ON SATURDAY!!!

PITTSBURGH SUCKS!!!

Quick News

First of all...remember what I said about Brandon Lyon? Yep, he's still my least favorite Tiger since Bobby "F.U. Pay Me" Higginson. Time to release Brandon Lyon. He's just more proof that anything that sounds like "Lions" cannot be successful in Detroit.

In other news...I've finally caved and joined up with Twitter on a trial basis. If I find it annoying after a couple weeks (which is likely) then I'll probably delete the account but that's neither here nor there. You can read random nonsense about my day to day ridiculousness by clicking on the "Cole's Twitter" link over there to the right or you can just type in twitter.com/anthony_cole. Some of them will be funny because, when you look at my life, how can you really not laugh. Personally, I blame insomnia for the Twitter.

GAME SEVEN TOMORROW!
And of course, I have a class that I cannot miss from 5:30-8:40. It's ok though, it's Intro to Film Appreciation (yeah, you read it right) and while we're watching the movie in the class, I will be listening to 97.1 The Ticket to get my Wings fix. While we're talking Wings, I'm going to give a bold prediction...Pavel Datsyuk will score at least one goal tomorrow.

SCREW YOU GORDON BOMBAY!!!

Go Wings!

Mobile letter...Dear Cleveland Indians, way to not score a run in two straight games against the Tigers. I hear the minors are looking for an expansion team. Na nahhh na na HEEEEY YOU SUCK! Love, Cole PS Drew Carey was wrong. You obviously do not rock.

Dad Cussed Me Out About Not Blogging

That is probably the greatest headline for any of the 104 (well, 105 after this one) blog posts I've ever thrown up there.

Anyways, I'm back from my mental health hiatus and back to the blogger screen. And the dozen or so people who are fans of this blog rejoice with a stifled yawn.

A lot has happened since the last post so here is a quick rundown...

The Tigers are 3 games back of the Royals (the Royals??) in the division. I went to last Saturday's game against Cleveland (which does not rock) with the roommates with seats that were entirely too good for slaps like us, courtesy of middle brother's girlfriend's dad which is nice. One thing I have to mention is this...am I the only person who still hates Cleveland and people who root for Cleveland? I'm disappointed in the lack of participation in "Cleveland Sucks!" chants after the game. I thought Detroit fans were a little bit meaner than that. It was fun though if I can remember right.

The Wings tied up the series against the Ducks last night with a 6-3 win. Hossa decided to play and netted two goals for the Winged Wheel and that guy called Mule had a nice three point night as well. It seems as if the Wings have finally figured out how to effectively play Anaheim by not sinking to their level and playing actual skilled hockey, which Anaheim is clearly unable to play because they're just a bunch of freakin goons. Usually I love me some goonery but the first three games of this series just really pissed me off. Scrums after every whistle, cheap shots (Mike Brown's cheap shot elbow to Hudler's head for example), and just general dumbassery by Gordon Bombay's Ducks. It was refreshing to see some actual hockey last night.

Z mentioned to me the need for an anti-Brett Favre post. I agree with Z. This Favre nonsense has to stop and it has to stop now! Now, ESPN, I realize it is a slow-ish time in the sports world but to have the always borderline hot Rachel Nichols camping out outside Favre's plantation in Mississippi is the definition of media overkill. Now, let's say Favre does in fact come out of retirement. All this means is another mediocre season for whatever team signs him. As much as I love watching Brett Favre play football, I have to admit his time is up. Brett Favre has no business being an NFL quarterback anymore. It's time for him to hang it up and ride off into the ever fading sunset. And it's time for ESPN to stop reporting on how many times Brett Favre wiped his ass that day, and maybe I dunno, talk about hockey more.

Speaking of hockey. Alexander Ovechkin is far and away my favorite non Red Wing player in the NHL. Watch this video, you'll understand.


One thing I haven't mentioned at all is the NFL Draft. It's been a while but here's what I think about it. The Lions did not screw up the draft nearly as bad as I thought they would. Granted, the Stafford pick will most likely go down as one of the worst picks in NFL history, ranking up there with Ki-Jana Carter, Brian Bosworth, Joey Harrington, and Ryan Leaf. I really hope I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure I'm not. With everyone clamoring for Rey Maulauga or however you spell it with the pick at #20, the Lions surprised everyone and went with Brandon Pettigrew the TE out of Okie State. Personally, I really liked the pick even though an offensive lineman would have probably been the better pick here but in all reality, Pettigrew is an absolute stud and will be a very good NFL tight end. The pick that shocked me even more was the choice of Louis Delmas from Western. I didn't realize he was so highly rated. I watched the kid play throughout his time at WMU and I figured he was a decent player but never thought he was a second round pick. For the sake of the Mid-American Conference, I am really rooting for Delmas to be an absolute badass the likes of Bob Sanders just to show everyone in the country that the MAC is a hell of a conference with some really good football players. Like I said, the Lions didn't do nearly as bad as I thought they would in the 2009 draft but nobody will ever truly know how good or bad this draft class was until about 2012 when the Lions win the Super Bowl, I graduate from college, and the world comes to an end.

In other news that ESPN is really dead horsing, Manny Ramierez got busted for the juice and will have to sit out the next 50 games. Is it just me or does every Scott Boras client abuse the juice? Speaking of Scott Boras juicers, DoucheTard A-Rod is almost ready to come back to the Yanks. I have no opinion other than A-Rod sucks.

Ok, that's it for me. Here's a picture of Official Hot Chick of Tobacco Juice Sports Elisha Cuthbert. Oh, and we are now taking suggestions for the next Official Hot Chick of TJS. Nominate your hot chicks by commenting and then we'll vote on them.
Good to be back.