Spring is in the Air

As I sit in this mundane computer lab on the campus of Eastern Michigan University, I look out the window to see something amazing...the sun. It's a beautiful day and I'm stuck inside for the duration with class and homework and most importantly to you my readers, blog time. But yes, spring is in the air even though it's only the 10th of February and Mother Nature's cocktease will eventually end and we'll be back to 8 degree days with -75 wind chill and everyone will be miserable again. But blue balls aside, the weather is great for now.

Sitting in class earlier this morning I found some random things that piss me off and need to be brought to people's attention.

Ladies, I know it's warmer out than it was before, but c'mon, there's no need to wear that mini skirt you got for Christmas from your ex stripper for a mom. Especially when you're pushing 250 pounds. When you're that big, sweat pants should make up at least 95% of your wardrobe with the other 5% being more sweats. Fat chicks with not enough clothing...not a good look. Ever. However, if you can rock the mini skirt without showing your ass and thigh dimples, then by all means...rock it. (Basically I'm saying all hot chicks need to wear less clothes when it's warm out. It's a good thing for everyone involved.)

Just because you're in a classroom filled with computers, doesn't mean you can Facebook Chat for the duration of class. There is nothing more annoying than trying to pay attention to an instructor talking about something borderline important while trying not to yell at the stupid broad sitting next to you for being exactly that, a stupid broad. PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION!

The prof this morning said some people didn't put their names on an assignment...what is this 3rd grade? How do these people get into college?

I swear to God if I have to answer another question because I'm the only person that has the stones to speak up in class I'm going to blow my brains out. I don't want to sound like a know it all but when the teacher asks a question and everyone just sits there like zombies, it's the most uncomfortable thing in the world and I have to be the guy to speak up because I can't take the awkward silence anymore. Even if I say something totally ridculous and wrong, at least I had the balls to make the classroom environment tolerable. I'm not the smartest guy in the class, but if I don't answer the questions nobody will. I hate that shit.

Oh and another thing, when you're in a computer lab or library or class do me a favor and set your phone to vibrate. Nobody wants to hear your new Young Jeezy ringtone every time you get a text or your boyfriend calls. Time to grow up assholes!

I was lying in bed last night (insert Varsity Blues moment) and couldn't sleep (weird right?) so I flipped on the TV. While surfing through the channels I stumbled across the Westminster Dog Show at Madison Square Garden. They were judging the Terrier breeds when I realized that the announcers for this thing thought even the ugliest looking dog was absolutely breathtaking. There's nothing wrong with telling it like it is and when you see a dog that looks weird, telling the people that the thing just looks weird. And the people at MSG absolutely LOVE the dog show and cheer like it's a Knicks game (except there were people there). Maybe it's like the Kentucky Derby and people just go there to get hammered and yell at the dogs. Oh and the Scottish Terrier won best in show for the Terrier group. I would love to live blog the dog show. I'm not sure why.

Ok, enough of the random silliness, let's talk about spring stuff like baseball.

In case you've been living in a cave with no TV, radio, or print media, A-Rod fessed up to juicing during his Texas Ranger years. He was the first of 104 players who tested positive when MLB randomly tested 300 players in 2003, to be outed by reporters. Apparently there was a code list and then there was a key to the code list and two reporters from Sports Illustrated (Selena Roberts and David Epstein) were able to get their hands on the list or something of the sort. Either way, A-Rod is the only name to be released thus far and I'm sure there will be more big names to come. Who will those names be? Well I can only guess but I'll say Pudge, Richie Sexson, Bonds (no shit?), Clemens (again, no shit?) and Adrian Beltre will be names on that list. Why? There is no science to coming up with those names other than looking at the league leaders and noticing how some of them dropped off the face of the earth and then just randomly guessing. But those are my guesses. Journalistic credibility be damned. That and it's not like anyone important read this thing anyway.

That being said, pitchers and catchers report in 2 days and I have to say, I'm kind of psyched about it. I know the season doesn't start for a long time yet but there's just something about the start of spring training that gives me the ability to take a deep breath and start getting optomistic about the Tigers again. As I've previously mentioned in this space, last year I was a little too optimistic about the Tigers but I had a right to be. We all did. It just so happened that Bondo almost died, Verlander and the Gambler imploded, Zoomie got hurt again, Pudge was a disaster, D-Train suddenly forgot how to throw (like the time Peter Griffin forgot how to sit down), and Edgar Renteria was a complete bust (just like I said he would be). Basically, everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

This year, maybe things will be different. Leyland has a new defense first philosophy and I can see the Tigers going to a more small ball approach in the later half of the lineup with Inge and Everett and Laird down there who aren't exactly hitters. The bullpen will still be an issue but was shored up with the acquisition of "worth to be determined in July" closer Brandon Lyon. Zoomie is not likely to be back before opening day so that leaves set up duties to Fernando F-ing Rodney and I dunno let's say Bobby Seay or someone of that nature. Either way, set up will probably be an issue this year unless Rodney gets his head out of his ass which is something I've hoped for, for about three seasons now.

Time will tell and it's entirely too early to get worked up about anything Tigers related until the home opener on Friday, April 10th. I'm glad it's on a Friday...no classes on Fridays. That's just good scheduling. Maybe we'll have to organize a Tobacco Juice Readers field trip to the Comerica Park area (yeah, like we'll all get tickets for opening day) for opening day...I think it's a good idea. Click on the poll so I can gauge your interest and make t-shirts that nobody will buy.