Dear NBC's Coverage of the US Open (well, ESPN's coverage today),
Hey, I was just wondering if you could mention something about Tiger's knee being scoped a month or so ago and how "gritty" of a golfer he is for toughing it out. If you could mention it about 5 times a minute that'd be great. Oh and if you could tell Tiger to wince and yell after every shot to prove that he is indeed recovering from minor knee surgery? Awesome, thanks a lot you douchebags. I really hope Rocco Mediate wins this playoff today and your ratings plummet. Oh and one more thing...
TIGER WOODS DID NOT INVENT GOLF! QUIT TREATING HIM LIKE HE'S THE POPE! HE'S A FREAKING GOLFER!
Sincerely,
Cole
Dear Gary Sheffield,
Do everyone a favor and keep your ass planted to that bench for as long as possible. The Tigers play better ball without you. I don't mean to sound like a dick Sheff, but you have to admit...I have a point here.
Love,
Cole
Dear David Stern,
Just wanted to congratulate you on forcing another game in this Boston/LA series. The fix is obviously in and this series is going to seven with LA winning the whole thing just so the Celtics will stay relevant for another year before Paul Pierce's leg falls off like it almost did the other night (if you ask him at least, candyass). If I were you Mr. Stern, I would probably retire now before a ref comes forward and tells the story about how you went into the officials locker room and told them to let LA win that game in Sacramento among others I'm sure. It can only get worse Mr. Stern, it can only get worse.
Get out while you can,
Cole
Dear All the People Who Didn't Want Ben Hamilton to Coach The GL Baseball Team,
How'd you like that State Championship parade Saturday night?
Just wondering,
Cole
Dear Fernando Rodney,
Welcome back to the Tigers! That's a hell of a case of tendinitis you had there. I swear to God you are one to two bad outings away from being on my permanent shit list along with Jacques Jones, Bobby Higginson, and Juan Gonzalez, so don't screw it up ok?
Seriously,
Cole
Dear Texas Rangers,
That's awesome.
Love, Everybody
Dear Kwame Kilpatrick,
You broke rule number one as mayor of Detroit...you got caught. You got caught bangin some broad and lied about it after costing the City of Detroit millions of dollars in wrongful termination and whistleblowing suits (and that dead stripper from your inauguration party is a little shady too). I have to tell you that I'm just disappointed in you. You took office with so much potential and charisma and now...now you're just a disgraced mayor of a city in economic turmoil. It's probably about time that you just attempt to save face and resign. You would've been a great senator but you went ahead and threw it all away. All you had to do was tell the truth...
You should be ashamed of yourself,
Cole
Dear Detroit Tigers,
Whoa, no, I don't want to talk to you. Like Crash Davis said, "you never fuck with a streak."
Keep beatin that ass though...
Dear Grass Lake Warriors Baseball Team,
It couldn't have happened to a better group of kids.
Love,
Cole (your post is comin boys don't worry)
2 comments:
Dear TJS, acknowledge greatness when you see it, Tiger is the best ever, hopefully you will be able to tell your future grandkids that you actually watched him when you were younger and they'll go " Holy Shit gramps, that's awesome!" Warrior Baseball Rocks!! 80,88,08! What do you call one of those things that read the same frontwards and backwards? 808808?
The hatred of tigers woods is totally uncalled for. He is the greatest golfer of all time. It is only a matter tof time before he destroys all of golfs records. It is a privelage watching a legend play the game. You had to love watching Michael Jordan, or Joe Montana why not Tiger
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