Saturday, June 21, 2008

Pregnancy Pacts and Other Stupidity

No, I'm not really going to comment on the 17 Massachusetts high school girls who apparently decided that getting pregnant all at the same time would be more fun than a barrel full of monkeys. I'll let you read about it on your own.

In other news, after years of defending Fernando Rodney and his pitching "ability," I have decided to completely disown him as one of my likable Tigers pitchers. Fernando Rodney, in two appearances this season, has the most atrocious stat line I have ever seen in my life. In his two appearances this season, Fernando Rodney has recorded exactly one out. ONE OUT! He's allowed five runs on three hits, allowed one home run, walked three batters, blown one save, lost one game, and has an ERA of 135.00. Let me type that out so you don't think I made some sort of mistake. Fernando Rodney's Earned Run Average is one hundred and thirty five point zero zero.



The grace period is over for Fernando Rodney in my book. I know he was hurt, I know it is too early to jump all over his ass, but he has played the role of firetruck to the Tigers' hot streak and completely cooled them off. Rodney returned to the lineup on Monday and promptly blew his first save opportunity and gave Freddy Dolsi his first loss of the season when he served up a three run bomb to John Bowker that essentially won the game for the Giants and stopped the Tigers' 6 game win streak. The Tigers rebounded and won the next two games in San Fran mainly in part to the fact that Rodney's ass was planted firmly to the bullpen bench. Then last night he un superglues his ass from the bench and finds himself in the ball game again. Rodney faced two batters, walked them both a la Rick Vaughn, and was removed from the game. Fossum came in and the two runners Rodney gave free passes to scored on the next pitch. Basically, Fernando Rodney I am officially done defending you in the left field stands or in Toledo when you're doing rehab starts and assholes are talking shit to you. Maybe retirement would work. Freddy Dolsi is doing fine Jim...keep Rodney on the bench. DON'T FUCK WITH THE STREAK MEAT!!

Zumaya pitched last night in front of his home town fans with the bases loaded and nobody out, did as well as you would kind of expect. He gave up a two run single against his first batter then got the next one to ground out, struck out the next, and then walked the guy after that to end his work for the night. Zumaya threw the fastball for 99 mph a few times and even hit 100 mph on the PetcoPark radar gun which really impresses the hell out of me. Time will tell us if he is going to be able to spot that fastball around the plate and be a semi-effective reliever again. Right now though, he's better than Fernando. Shit, I'M better than Fernando right now.

There is a moderate to strong chance you may see a live blog tonight since I'm broke as a joke and can't afford to go out for Lezak's birthday even though my life is in danger if I don't go. It's a chance I'm willing to take.

In the meantime enjoy this video of newscasters being Freudian...

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

STATE CHAMPS!!


Saturday June 14th was more than just the date of Chris and the now lovely Cheryl Reul's wedding. June 14th 2008 will forever go down in history as one of the greatest days the community of Grass Lake will ever see. Saturday, June 14...the day the Warriors won the state baseball championship for the first time in this century.

(Editor's Note: I am the real douchebag here. If I offended anyone I am deeply sorry. It was my own poor attempt at making light of a situation that was ugly and not true to anyone's actual personality. I am sorry.)

I have known Ben now for about 5 years. We coached JV football together at Grass Lake, attended classes at JCC together, and have probably tipped back a few adult beverages together. Ben is a good friend of mine and when his baseball team took the field for the first time this season, I had to skip class and be there to see it. Looking back, I probably should have stayed home. The first game of the season for the Warriors resulted in a loss to Clinton. They did win the second game of the doubleheader was Ben Hamilton's first win as a varsity baseball coach. Little did they know...there would be a lot more wins to come.

Grass Lake would go on to win the Cascades Conference Title for the first time since 1993. The Jackson Citizen Patriot Diamond Classic for the first time ever in their first appearance in that tourney. The District Title in anticlimactic fashion in a drubbing of Ann Arbor Gabriel Richard. The Regional championship in a blowout of much disliked Lumen Christi earned the Warriors a trip to the State Quarterfinals for the first time since my middle brother Aaron's team was there in the spring of 2003. Blissfield was next.

Blissfield High School is one of the most storied baseball programs in the state of Michigan. They have won a record 7 state championships and were in the quarterfinals for the fourth season in a row. Their coach Larry Tuttle is the winningest coach in Michigan's history winning his 1000th game earlier this season. Blissfield was a force to be reckoned with.

Fresh off his dominating, 11 strikeout performance against Lumen Christi in the Regional finals, Charlie Fisher took the rubber again to face Blissfield and all their tradition and obnoxious fans. Tradition however, doesn't score you runs. Fisher threw the most dominant game I have ever seen at any level, striking out 14 Royals while allowing just 4 hits in a complete game shut out. GL would go on to beat the Royals 1-0 after Jordon Bliss doubled into the gap to start the 5th inning. Steven O'Hotzke bunted him over to third, and Jon Lesinski roped a single into right to score the game's only run and send the Warriors to Battle Creek and the State Semi-Finals to face off with Beavers of Beaverton.

I rode with my parents and little brother Austin to the game and had been talking non-stop about the storm that was coming in and how the MHSAA was going to screw up the re-scheduling process if it came to that. Sure enough, we get there in time to watch both teams warm up and then Mother Nature decided to piss all over the place for a couple hours which pushed the start of the game back to 8 o'clock.

Casey Hall took the mound to face the Beavers who had previously been in the state title game the year before where they lost to upstart Hillsdale in extra innings. Most of the kids on that team were back and their fans were drunk and obnoxious the whole game, thinking that it was a lock that their boys would be back in the title game again this season. Casey Hall and the Warrior defense had other ideas. Hall pitched a complete game allowing one run and struck out seven in the ballsiest pitching performance I've seen since Aaron was pitching on the 2003 team. The defense turned two HUGE double plays to bail Casey out of some jams and the catcher Lesinski picked off a pinch runner at second to end another inning. After the game we wandered on to the field to talk with a few of the boys and congratulate them like we always do. After a Travis Rubingh bearhug, I looked in the dugout and saw a small sign hanging in there that read, "Warriors Eat Beavers Go Blue!" The Warriors were going to the state championship game.

Before I talk about the surreal State Championship game, I am going to tell you all a little bit about Joe Bechtel. Joe was my coach in high school up until my senior year when he retired after his son Jonathon graduated. Joe Coached baseball and football while teaching PE at Grass Lake for 30+ years. He touched the lives of probably thousands of kids in his years at Grass Lake and to this day, nobody can say anything bad about the man. Joe died of cancer on November 21st, 2003. The fall of 2004 was my second season coaching JV football with Ben. The seniors on this baseball team were small, nervous freshman when I told them with tears in my eyes that we were dedicating everything we did that season to the memory of Joe and everything he stood for. That team went undefeated. With Joe, you worked hard and you played hard, a mantra that this senior class lived by. They named the football stadium and athletic complex at Grass Lake High School after him which was a nice gesture but the best gesture, the best thing about it all is that these kids, who never played for or were taught by Joe, know his lessons through the coaches they play for as most of them played for Joe back in their high school days as well. While the JB on the sleeves of the baseball teams may fade away, his lessons and legacy will carry on in the town of Grass Lake forever. Joe also won baseball state championships in 1980 and 1988. 80-88-08. (That's a palindrome dad, it looks the same in reverse, kind of like racecar.)

We missed the first half of the first inning. Dad, Austin, and I had to go mow Gramma and Grappa Cole's lawn and it took longer than expected. I half jogged half sprinted (which is about full speed for me) through CO Brown Stadium to find Dusty and Kyle on the fence down the left field line and promptly threw a dip in and leaned on the fence with Dad and Austin following close behind.

We probably should have taken our time. Allendale scored two runs in the bottom of the first off of Fisher. I was very, very nervous that this was going to be reminiscent of the football state championships that was quarterbacked by Austin in the fall of 2006. All the build up but resulting in a heartbreaking loss. There would be no heartbreak in Grass Lake on this day.


The play seemed easy enough. With one out in the top of the second, Steven Ostrovich popped up to the middle of the infield, the Allendale third baseman jogged over and it looked like a routine can of corn for out number two, but the unthinkable happened. The kid dropped the ball. Just straight dropped it. It wasn't a windy day or a bright day or anything, he just simply let the ball hit his glove and fall harmlessly to the ground. That play opened the floodgates. Allendale would eventually commit a probable state record eight errors (see picture below) all of which would result in runs. The Warriors went on to score five in the second, four in the fourth, and five in the sixth for a total of 14 runs to Allendale's 4. Fisher didn't have his best stuff that day, but he didn't need his best stuff. The defense was there for him, notably the unassisted (and freakin sweet) double play by O'Hotzke after he made a diving stab on a line drive at second, got up and jogged in his confused way, back to second to double up the runner.



I looked at dad before the boys took the field in the bottom of the sixth and asked, "Is this really about to happen?" I almost spoke too soon as Allendale started getting on base and plated two runs before Ben walked out to the mound to talk briefly with Fisher and his infield. Soon after, a ground ball to first baseman Travis Rubingh sent Warrior Nation into a frenzy (on a side note, did anyone else notice that the city of Allendale didn't get the memo that their team was in the championship game? They had probably a few dozen people on their side while the GL side of the stadium was packed to the rafters. C'mon Allendale, what the hell? Friggin yuppies). Mom burst into tears, Dad and I were jumping around like little kids. Dusty sprinted under the stands to the visitor's locker room entrance to sneak into the dugout and give Ben a hug. The whole scene was pure, unadulterated joy, the kind that you can only get when a small town wins a state title over a big city.

After the game, it seemed nobody wanted to leave. The seniors took cupfuls of dirt from the infield. Hamilton was mobbed by reporters from around the state. Tears of joy streamed down the faces of the parents and some fans of these kids. Jordon Bliss waved the TV cameras away from Ben as he and a teammate emptied the water bucket on their coach.


They presented Sharon Bechtel a championship medal and the number 2 jersey (retired in honor of Joe's two titles). Hugs, handshakes, and tears were all you could see down by the fence where we stood. The team bus was greeted by firetrucks which led the parade through town. Karaoke Night at Missy's Grass Shack was moved out into the street and the bus was emptied in the middle of town as the kids danced around to the sounds of Queen's "We Are The Champions." Small town livin baby, small town livin.



Nolan Herendeen, Steve O'Hotzke, Charlie Fisher, Casey Hall, John (Johnboy) Lesinski, Jordon Bliss, Cameron VanLoon, Travis Rubingh, Zach Presnell, Brett Sherwood, Jared Zenz, John Wollery, Josh Willis, Steven Ostrovich, I can't say enough how proud the town of Grass Lake is of all of you. As for the seniors of the group, I can't thank you enough for being the type of guys that all of the kids from pre-school to high school can look up to and strive to be like. You are truly a special group and I feel very privileged to have been a small part of your lives. I wish all of you the best of luck in the future even though you don't really need it, you're a group that is destined for success on and off the playing fields. Thank you for making this spring another one to remember forever.



Warriors together, Warriors forever.



I taught them that...




(thanks to Pat Rowe and the Detroit News for the photos and video)

Monday, June 16, 2008

If I Could Write a Letter To...


Dear NBC's Coverage of the US Open (well, ESPN's coverage today),
Hey, I was just wondering if you could mention something about Tiger's knee being scoped a month or so ago and how "gritty" of a golfer he is for toughing it out. If you could mention it about 5 times a minute that'd be great. Oh and if you could tell Tiger to wince and yell after every shot to prove that he is indeed recovering from minor knee surgery? Awesome, thanks a lot you douchebags. I really hope Rocco Mediate wins this playoff today and your ratings plummet. Oh and one more thing...
TIGER WOODS DID NOT INVENT GOLF! QUIT TREATING HIM LIKE HE'S THE POPE! HE'S A FREAKING GOLFER!
Sincerely,
Cole

Dear Gary Sheffield,
Do everyone a favor and keep your ass planted to that bench for as long as possible. The Tigers play better ball without you. I don't mean to sound like a dick Sheff, but you have to admit...I have a point here.
Love,
Cole

Dear David Stern,
Just wanted to congratulate you on forcing another game in this Boston/LA series. The fix is obviously in and this series is going to seven with LA winning the whole thing just so the Celtics will stay relevant for another year before Paul Pierce's leg falls off like it almost did the other night (if you ask him at least, candyass). If I were you Mr. Stern, I would probably retire now before a ref comes forward and tells the story about how you went into the officials locker room and told them to let LA win that game in Sacramento among others I'm sure. It can only get worse Mr. Stern, it can only get worse.
Get out while you can,
Cole

Dear All the People Who Didn't Want Ben Hamilton to Coach The GL Baseball Team,
How'd you like that State Championship parade Saturday night?
Just wondering,
Cole


Dear Fernando Rodney,
Welcome back to the Tigers! That's a hell of a case of tendinitis you had there. I swear to God you are one to two bad outings away from being on my permanent shit list along with Jacques Jones, Bobby Higginson, and Juan Gonzalez, so don't screw it up ok?
Seriously,
Cole

Dear Texas Rangers,
That's awesome.


Love, Everybody


Dear Kwame Kilpatrick,
You broke rule number one as mayor of Detroit...you got caught. You got caught bangin some broad and lied about it after costing the City of Detroit millions of dollars in wrongful termination and whistleblowing suits (and that dead stripper from your inauguration party is a little shady too). I have to tell you that I'm just disappointed in you. You took office with so much potential and charisma and now...now you're just a disgraced mayor of a city in economic turmoil. It's probably about time that you just attempt to save face and resign. You would've been a great senator but you went ahead and threw it all away. All you had to do was tell the truth...
You should be ashamed of yourself,
Cole

Dear Detroit Tigers,
Whoa, no, I don't want to talk to you. Like Crash Davis said, "you never fuck with a streak."
Keep beatin that ass though...

Dear Grass Lake Warriors Baseball Team,
It couldn't have happened to a better group of kids.
Love,
Cole (your post is comin boys don't worry)


Thursday, June 12, 2008

MIGGY!


Three strong outings by Tigers pitching results in three wins and a sweep of the Pale Hosers
from the Windy City.

The White Sox were arguably one of the hottest teams in baseball coming into Detroit, winning their last 7 games in convincing fashion and were securely atop the central division. The Tigers pitching staff cooled off the hot bats and the result was a sweep of the division leaders.

Robertson was strong in Tuesdays 6-4 win, Verlander threw a four hit, complete game gem in last night's 5-1 win, and The Gambler threw 8 innings of four hit, one run ball in today's victory.

The biggest story of this series, or namely the last two games is the hopeful resurgence of one Miguel Cabrera. Miggy went 5/12 for the series with 3 RBI and the walk off home run this afternoon. I know, these aren't mind blowing numbers but when you consider how God awful he was against the Tribe this weekend...those are numbers that are much better than a kick in the junk. You just have to keep in mind, the guy is 25 years old and has an entire baseball crazed town looking at him through the microscope every time he steps on the field with that 8 year $152 million deal he signed before the season started. You can't really blame the guy for trying to be Baseball Jesus out there every day. Once he realizes that he can't win a batting title with every at bat, he'll allow himself to get into a groove and be the player we all expected him to eventually be.

I wrote a post what seems to be about a month back after the Tigers swept the Yankees in New York saying "they're back, this is the team we thought they would be!" I am not even going to say that this time because it's not true. They swept a team that came into Detroit after winning seven in a row and something like 10 of their last 11. That's great. They gained three games in the division to move up to 8 games behind the Central leaders. Nice. But when you back up and look at it, after this three game win streak they're on...they are 5-5 in their last ten games and are still 8 games below .500. Is this a sign that the Tigers are playing well again? Sure, they're playing better than they were but there is still way too much work to go before anyone can get too excited. If/when they get back to .500, then I'll be excited and will start looking at playoff ticket packages. Until then, it is entirely too early to get too excited or even too pissed off about this Tigers team.

The road doesn't get much easier as the Dodgers come into town for a three game interleague set. The Dodgers have been playing mediocre baseball as of late, going 4-6 in their last ten and are trailing the West Division leaders Arizona by 3.5 games. After the series against LA, the Tigers travel to San Fran to play in the park that Juice built, and then to PetCo or whatever the hell it's called to play San Diego before returning home to play the Cardinals and Rockies.

I will go on record and say it right now...if ever the turn around was going to happen...it would be in these next two weeks during interleague play. The Tigers basically need to win 10-12 of their 15 interleague games coming up to have a shot at staying in the race. Anything less than 8 wins and I will be in full fledged disaster mode.
In other news...

REMEMBER THIS GUY??!!

Not only are the Tigers on a three game winner, they also have a couple of good arms almost ready to come back. Apparently Zumaya's rehab is going great and is due back with the team next week sometime. Zumaya had a rough rehab appearance last night in Toledo as he wasn't locating his stuff well. The good news is, he was topping 100 mph on the 5th/3rd field radar gun which is great news. I can't wait to hear "Voodoo Child," come on and see the fireballer jog out of the bullpen again. Oh and everyone's least favorite pitcher Fernando Rodney is due back as well. Say what you will about Fernando, when he's on his game, he is nearly unhittable, and you know it.

It will be interesting to watch here in the next couple weeks as the season essentially hangs in the balance.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Meanwhile Back at the Hall of Justice...


I'M BACK!! I'm pretty sure nobody missed me but whatever I'm fine with it. Power outages and lack of internet accessibility really puts a limit on how much a guy can do. Let's get after it then...

Michael Curry is the new head coach of the Detroit Pistons. I think Curry has a total of about 35 minutes of head coaching experience under his belt and only one season as an assistant. However, he was the NBAPA player rep or something along those lines so he has a good rep with the players which is something but not everything. Having an in with the players is not the main ingredient to success, you have to know how to COACH the players. I'm not really doubting that Curry will be a good if not great coach, it just kind of makes me wonder why you hand the keys to a successful franchise to a guy who has only a little more head NBA coaching experience as I do. He was a good player and is respected in a lot of different circles, but I am just wondering if this is really the best choice. At the same time however, how hard could it really be to coach an NBA team? It's got to be right up there with beating a retard in checkers. Not that hard if you have the players.

Speaking of the players, who is going to be traded where? The free agent market is garbage this year so that means for the Pistons to improve they will have to do it via a trade or some "sleeper" pick in an equally weak draft class. I am pretty much betting that Sheed is going to get Sheeded on and traded to some team full of bums to end his career as the best player in the league when he wanted to be. One idea I just brewed up was a trade to the Spurs for like Bruce Bowen or something. He still plays for the Spurs right? I like the way he plays. Dirty.

When you think about it though, you have two real trade options. Sheed, and Chauncey. You can't trade Prince because, well, you just can't. Rip is still capable of averaging 25 a night. Stuckey is going to be a borderline superstar in the league. Maxiel is also on his way to having a cult like following a la Ben Wallace. Basically Sheed and Chauncey are the ones who need to go in order to get some fresh blood in the organization. Look for one or either of them to go to a contender (Phoenix, Dallas, Utah, um Cleveland?) in exchange for some youngsters with potential or future draft picks. But then again, I'm just some asshole and don't know what I'm talking about at all.

One of the most electrifying and prolific netminders in the history of the NHL, Dominic Hasek retired from the NHL on Monday. Hasek also retired after the Wings won the cup in 2002, but this time it is for real. Dominic Hasek will be known most for his acrobatic goaltending throughout his long NHL career which started in Chicago as Ed Belfour's backup, then took him to Buffalo where he came within a Brett Hull skateblade away from winning Buffalo's first major sports championship. He was traded to Detroit in the summer of 2001 and won the cup in that first season with the Wings. As a hockey fan, I loved watching his flop around, rob a goal style with all the SportsCenter highlight reel saves. When he played with the Wings in 2001-2002, he was amazingly fun to watch, but he also made me want to pull my hair out one hair at a time with his borderline recklessness. It worked though and I will always enjoy thinking of the Dominator in a Red Wings sweater. Although I wholeheartedly disagree with Mitch Albom's idea of retiring Hasek's number, which is just absurd, I will never argue that he wasn't one of the game's best. Below is my favorite memory of Dominic Hasek, other than him hoisting the Cup of course.



Dontrelle Willis is now playing for the Tigers. Not the Detroit Tigers, the Lakeland Flying Tigers. Willis was sent down after he did his best Rick Vaughn impression Monday night against the Tribe, allowing 8 runs on 3 hits in one and a third innings of work. Normally I would go off on a tangent on Dombrowski and the Illitch's but in this case, there is something Dimitri Young-esque wrong with Dontrelle Willis and I feel bad for the guy. His velocity is still close to what it was, his breaking stuff is fine, he just can't get the ball over the plate. When you combine this with the probable loss of Bonderman for the season, the Tigers' pitching staff is in absolute disarray. The good news though, Robertson pitched a decent game in picking up the win last night against the previously streaking White Sox and Galaragga is looking just as strong. Verlander goes tonight against the hated Pale Hosers from the Windy City. The starting pitching staff has up until Monday night, been one of the best in baseball in the last ten games, the only problem is, as per fucking usual, the bats remained silent resulting in a 4-6 record. Needless to say, the Tigers need to really go on a run here at home before they go out west again for some Interleague play action with the Giants and Padres. In fact, after Friday night's game against the Sox, the Tigers don't play an American League team until the 30th in Minnesota. Great.

To wrap this post up, there is a news reporter in Detroit who needs to be run out of town.



C'mon, use your head ya stupid broad.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Working Class Heroes


Dallas Drake. I remember playing NHL 93 on Sega Genesis and always being the Red Wings. Steve Yzerman was my first line center but I had to have the young Dallas Drake as my second liner (hell, I was ten, what did I know right?). Dallas Drake has played over 1000 games in the NHL and up until this season, never played in the Stanley Cup Finals. Dallas Drake once said, "If the Stanley Cup was rolling down the street, I wouldn't try to stop it unless I had won it." Nick Lidstrom gave the cup directly to Dallas Drake after receiving it from Gary Bettman Wednesday night. Dallas Drake has earned this Stanley Cup.

Dan Cleary. The first Newfoundlander to win the Stanley Cup.

Kris Draper. We bought him for a dollar from the Winnepeg Jets. Four Cups later, he was the best dollar ever spent.

Chris Chelios. Just seen drinking a beer while riding in the victory parade. You can find him at Cheli's all day today, probably getting hammered with about a thousand of his closest friends.

Kirk Maltby. One of the original members of the Grind Line. You don't get more blue collar than that.

Nick Lidstrom. Was once voted the greatest hockey player in the world by the Sporting News. He could play on any team anywhere for any amount of money but he insists on taking the comparably modest pay just to wear the Winged Wheel on his sweater for 82 nights a year. When they awarded him the captain's C after Stevie Y's retirement, I was a little skeptical. I thought it should go to a more vocal guy like Kris Draper. Looking back on it now, they made the right choice. Nick Lidstrom is the heart and soul.

Thomas Holmstrom. Who would have ever thought that Homer would be such an important part of four Stanley Cup Championships? This is a guy who takes an absolute pounding in front of the net night in and night out and he does it all for the team.

Darren McCarty. The definition of working class hero.
Darren McCarty was drafted in the second round in 1992 by the Detroit Red Wings. After one season with the Adriondack Red Wings, McCarty got the call to the big club and never really looked back. He scored a career high 49 points in the 96-97 season. The 1997 Stanley Cup season was the first Cup for Darren McCarty. March 26th, 1997 was when Darren McCarty won the eternal love of Red Wings fans everywhere when he exacted revenge on Claude Lemieux for his hit on Kris Draper in the 96 Conference Finals which made Draper eat through a straw for a month or so. Not only did he beat up that dickhead, but he dragged him over to the boards and rubbed his bloody face on them in front of the Wings bench. After the fight, the game went to overtime and in a fitting way, Darren McCarty scored the game winning goal to set the tone for the rest of the season and the first of three Stanley Cup runs.

D-Mac fell on hard times in the last few years though. Battling through his personal troubles with bankruptcy and alcohol and drug addictions, Darren McCarty was out of hockey until this season when his good friend Kris Draper told him to make a comeback and play for his Flint Generals of the IHL. After about ten games with the Generals, the Red Wings came calling again. After a brief stint with the Griffins, McCarty was back on the Wings roster and back to his "goon with hands" ways. Darren McCarty's story is truly a great one of personal triumphs. I remember when I met Darren McCarty. It was at a celebrity softball game after their first cup. My elementary school gym teacher Mr. Vecellio took my brother and I after his wife had snagged us some tickets. We sat and watched right behind their fenced in dugout. I didn't have any cards or posters for anyone to sign, but I did have a dollar bill. I timidly walked up to the fence after McCarty popped out to short (not a good softball player Darren McCarty) and said, "Mr McCarty, can you sign this for me?" He turned around and laughed at me. "Who the hell is Mr. McCarty? Call me Darren. What's your name? Where you from? You play hockey? Who's your favorite player? This is pretty cool eh?" I was 14 years old and carrying on a conversation with my favorite Red Wing this side of Steve Yzerman. I still have that dollar bill.

The modern day Red Wings have won exactly zero cups without Darren McCarty on the roster. Coincidence? Probably not.

Working class heroes for a working class city. The great City of Detroit cannot thank these guys enough for all they've done, especially right now.

Hopefully I'll see the Cup again tonight at the CoPa.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

STANLEYTOWN!!!

It weighs 35 pounds...until you pick it up.

I can't help but think back to 1997 at times like this. I remember it well. In Grass Lake there was a nasty storm that knocked the power out just before the start of the second period. The whole family took the 10 minute drive to grandma's house to watch the rest of the game on CBC in their RV. I spent that whole night listening to WJR's post game interviews until they finally stopped at about 4 in the morning. In 1998 my family didn't have cable and the antenna reception wasn't very good. I spent most of the playoffs in my room listening to the games on the radio while banging a tennis ball against a wall and eating spearmint Lifesavers. I still remember Ken Kal's call of the last seconds against Philly. In 2002 I finally got to watch the playoffs from the comfort of my own living room to watch Scotty Bowman strap on the skates and take a lap with The Cup.

This year will be another great memory for me. I watched the game at the Roundtree Pub in Ypsilanti because we don't have a working television in my ghetto ass apartment right now. The whole bar held its collective breath as Hossa nearly sent the game to overtime. When that puck didn't cross the line and time ran out (time was out anyway but still) the 23 or so people in that little shithole bar went absolutely nuts. And I can say without losing any sort of manhood that seeing Nick Lidstrom take the cup from Gary (f-ing) Bettman nearly brought a tear to my eye.

This team was the definition of team. Yeah, the Wings have their superstars in Datsyuk, Zetterberg, and Lidstrom but they are so much more than that. Holmstrom, Cleary, Franzen, Draper, Kronwall, Stuart, Flippula, Samuelsson, Maltby, Hudler, Helm, Drake, Chelios, Rafalski, are just a few of the role players, the blood and guts guys, who really make this team go.

Speaking of blood and guts...CHRIS OSGOOD!!! As I may have mentioned before, once Hasek was benched and Ozzie took over, there was a great debate raging about how good Chris Osgood really is. Well, the guy has now won two Stanley Cups and was arguably a contender for the Conn Smythe Trophy this year (which was very deservedly given to Henrik Zetterberg by the way). I will go on record right now and say, Chris Osgood is a Hall of Fame goaltender. Things were going very poorly early in the Nashville series and Mike Babcock wisely chose to go with Ozzie to turn things around. He slammed the door against Nashville, stood on his head in the sweep of the Avs (haha, bitches), looked unstoppable early in the Dallas series, and started the series with the Pens as strong as I've ever seen a netminder play. The way Ozzie played against this extremely talented Pittsburgh team was nothing short of outstanding.

Going into the season, everyone, myself included, thought the Wings would be a tough team who might make a small run in the playoffs and have a nice season. I never once thought during the regular season (especially during that dry spell in February) that this team, full of has beens and not yets, would be hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup during the first week of June. After winning the President's Trophy all I could think about was how it was a curse. When things went bad against Nashville it was like 1994 against the Sharks all over again. When Ozzie stepped in and the Wings won 10 straight with him in net, THAT was when I started to believe that something special was happening in the Spring of 2008. Sure enough, something special happened.

The Detroit Red Wings are the 2007-2008 Stanley Cup Champions!

Perhaps Tonight?

Puck drops in Pittsburgh at about 8:20ish tonight for game 6.
I have no cable or antenna TV.
Son of a bitch.

To kill off the 40 or so minutes we have until the game starts feel free to watch the Brian Bellows video again. Try substituting "Crosby" every time they say "Bellows." It really helps to pass the time. If you're tired of the Brian Bellows video (if you are then you are obviously Mormon) feel free to check out the other two below it which are also repeats from previous posts.







Bring it home tonight boys.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Flip Out


Not out like "out of the closet." Out as in relieved of his post as coach of the Detroit Pistons.

I for one always placed the blame on the players instead of Flip for losing in the Conference Finals every year. If Flip did what he did in other towns, he would have frigging streets named after him already. Apparently the Pistons and I don't see eye to eye on this matter. From what Joe Dumars said in an AP interview, more personnel changes are possibly on the horizon (ahem, Sheed, Chauncey, Rip).

"Make no mistake, everybody is in play right now," said Joe Dumars, the Pistons' president of basketball operations. "There are no sacred cows here. You lose that sacred cow status when you lose three straight years. I think this team became way too content and did not show up with a sense of urgency to get it done," Dumars said at a news conference. "I can't sugarcoat it. It is what it is." Dumars stopped short of saying he would dismantle the Pistons. "The idea you can make yourself bad and make yourself good again, that's a farce," he said. "I have no interest in completely ripping the team down. Will I look to making significant changes? Yeah, you're damn right I will." (Thanks Associated Press for the quotes)

You know what, this one simple interview with Joe Dumars and what he said in it, has completely changed my view of the Detroit Pistons. Someone FINALLY said what needed to be said. The team and the organization got complacent and now changes need to be made. Rumor has it that a strong candidate to replace Flip is former Dallas Mavericks coach Avery Johnson who is basically the Western Conference's version of Flip Saunders. Johnson has had nothing but extremely talented teams for the last few years in Dallas and has won exactly zero championships and has even bowed out in the first or second rounds. Not exactly who I would go with.

Personally, I would love to see the Pistons go with Larry Brown but he's a little busy these days with the Bobcats. Another name I would like to throw out there is the man that started it all...Rick Carlisle. In reality however, current Pistons assistant coach Michael Curry is rumored to be the leading candidate.

In Red Wing news...You know what, I'm still too upset about last night to write anything about it just yet.

34.5 seconds.

DAMNIT

Um, Wow?

This happened down in Mexico during a bicycle race just south of the American border. I first saw this picture this morning on FoxNews as part of my morning routine, but soon after seeing it had to wipe the coffee off of my computer screen. 1 man died and 10 were injured.

For some reason I can't help but think about this...





34.5 seconds...I'll talk about that later.

I know I know I'm going to hell yeah yeah yeah.

Monday, June 2, 2008

If I Could Write a Letter To...


Dear Joe Dumars,
Ok, here is my proposed plan of action. Trade Sheed. Trade Chauncey. Draft somebody good. That's all I really have for you. The free agent market is the worst I've ever seen it so basically all you can do is make some shrewd trades here and there and see if you can't keep the success of your team going. Why trade Sheed? Because he's done. It's as simple as that. Rasheed Wallace is not what he used to be by any stretch of the imagination and he's become not so much a distraction but more along the lines of a waste of space. The only conceivable place you could send Sheed is Charlotte so he can be reunited with Larry Brown. The only problem with that is, there won't be much coming back in return unless Jordan doesn't like Okafor anymore which would be nice. Chauncey on the other hand, I would actually hate to see him go as I have really enjoyed watching him play over the past few years. In my opinion, Rodney Stuckey is ready to take the reins of this team and lead them to the promised land, or at least back to the Eastern Conference Finals which is where Pistons seasons seem to go to die anyway. Congratulations Joe on building a franchise that most cities would be peeing their pants to have, but as for the city of Auburn Hills and her neighbors, it's time to change things up a bit.
Sincerely,
Cole

Dear Readers,
If you had the Stanley Cup for a day, what would you do with it?
Seriously,
Cole

Dear Detroit Tigers,
Congratulations on climbing out of the AL Central cellar this weekend. You're 6 games back from the White Sox and are still very much in contention after a horrendous April and May. Do everyone a favor now, sweep the A's this week then come back to Detroit and beat the chaw spit out of the Tribe this weekend. It's probably time to go on a nice little winning streak now. Any time you're ready just let us know ok? You're lucky that most everyone in Detroit is watching the Wings right now, otherwise there would be a lot more pissed off Tigers fans out there than just yours truly.
Don't Turn Into The Pistons,
Cole

Dear Jonathan Papelbon and the Dropkick Murphys,
Thank you so much for teaching me this dance so I could properly celebrate the Celtics win over the Pistons Friday night in Ronnie's living room.


Thanks again for helping me piss off my Piston loving friends!
Cole

Dear Sidney Crosby,
"We know what we gotta do. We gotta win to stay alive." No shit Sid? You mean that in a 7 game series, the first team to lose four times is out of the series? That's how that works? Your genius rivals that of Forrest Gump. Do the hockey world a favor too, next year, focus more on playing hockey than bitching about the guys in the other sweaters being actual hockey players.
All the best to your daddy Mario,
Cole

Dear Detroit Pistons,
After a while it just stops hurting.
Signed,
The Buffalo Bills

Dear Eastern Michigan University,
Just wanted to say, nice work trying to polish a turd by putting up those little lightpost banners touting the excellence of EMU and EMU Athletics around Ypsilanti. The problem is, you can't polish a turd. It is impossible. If it were possible to polish a turd, I would recommend a few things. First of all, maybe raise the standards of admission just a touch. Eastern Michigan is usually everyone's last choice because let's face it, everyone gets in to Eastern. Hell, I got in so what's that say? It's time to quit acting like a community college with your admissions policies and maybe attract a different type of student. Like the serious-ish type. Another would be to maybe tear down a few buildings or purchase more land (with imaginary money of course) and build some nice new parking lots. I will have to begin driving to class every day and it would be nice if I could find a spot before my class is over this time. You should also consider getting rid of all of your chalkboards. That's right, I said it, EMU still has chalkboards and VCRs on carts that teachers have to sign out to use if they want to show an 1980s era public television show about interracial communication or math. I can handle the VCRs on carts, but the blackboards? I would take a ten cents a credit hour raise in tuition to put whiteboards in every classroom. Not that anyone uses them but still. Another point I would like to raise is to do something, ANYTHING to get students to actually go to football or basketball or baseball or softball games. Make it a tailgate friendly environment over at the Convocation Center (conveniently located about a mile away from campus...brilliant move there late 90s administration). If you tell kids that they can booze and then go to a game with little to no repercussions, people will go. I'm not saying sell beer at the games, just encourage a little binge drinking on Saturday afternoons in Ypsilanti. You know why Western and Central games are well attended? Not because of the quality of teams they throw out there, it's because their students have been drinking all day in anticipation of being drunk and disorderly in the stands for the game. It's the "Win or Lose We're Gonna Booze," mentality that you need. Trust me on this one ok?
I hate your guts and can't wait to leave you,
Cole

Dear Detroit Red Wings,
You are 60 hockey minutes away from hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup. Nothing more needs to be said.
Love,
Cole