Dear A-Rod,
Ok, about this time last year you were caught red handed with a stripper who looked eerily similar to a young Jason Giambi which caused all sorts of uproar. Your wife (who is SMOKING hot by the way) forgave you and your wallet and everything was hunky dory for a while. Fast forward a year to present day New York. Now the rumors are flying that you're banging washed up and never really that hot anyway, Madonna. Madonna? Really? First of all, she's what like 50? Secondly, she's got about 19 different kids from 17 different countries. Thirdly, if she had as many stickin out of her as she's had stuck in her she'd look like a damn porcupine. Not a good look bud, not a good look. And another thing, the All Star Game is being played for the last time in Yankee Stadium and you're gonna douche out and not participate in the Home Run Derby? Way to prove my theory that you are more trouble than the bajillions of dollars you're worth. I'm so glad the Tigers didn't get you like my moron friends said they should. Rule #47 you're an asshole.
Sincerely, Cole
Dear Marian Hossa,
I would like to be the first to welcome you to the Detroit Metro Area. I cannot congratulate you enough on turning down the security of a long term deal to sign a possible one and done contract here in Detroit in hopes that you will have your name etched onto Lord Stanley's Cup. I must warn you in advance however, if you turn into one of those, "Me, Me, Me" guys a la Sergei Federov, I will not hesitate to publicly scorn you for the duration of the season and boo you every chance I get when you sign with an opposing team. You have been warned.
Welcome to Detroit!!
Cole
Dear Major League Baseball,
It's time to fix the All-Star Game again. Yeah, it was a nice gimmick to get the fans and players "excited" about the ASG by awarding the winning league home field advantage in the World Series the year after Selig declared a tie in Milwaukee. It was a nice gesture but is it really necessary now? Especially considering the AL's dominance of the game in recent years. When you really think about it, it's a big fat joke anyway. All the players are hungover and don't care if they win or lose even though they are told they have to care. And let's talk about player selection. I am all about the fans voting for the starters but is Jason Varitek really an all star batting .217 on the year? Joe Mauer is batting .325 with 37 RBI right now and he's not going to be starting in the All Star Game. Dioner Navarro, the backstop for the best team in the AL the Tampa Bay Not Devil Rays is hitting .317 with 33 RBI and he might not even make it on the team. Something is wrong here but then again, this is a democratic society and who am I to say that Red Sox fans are idiots? They're just doing what every team's fans do and voting for their guy right? There is not right answer, some guys are just gonna get screwed but there just has to be a better way of doing things. And quit trying to make us think that it really matters, we're not as stupid as we look when we're in the bleachers drunk off our asses and yelling at the right fielder about how hot his sister is and what not.
Trust me, I'm right.
Cole
Dear C.C. Sabathia,
I have to say, I am going to miss seeing the Tigers own your ass. Hopefully our paths will cross again. Try to take it easy on the bratwursts up there in Milwaukee. Your pants know what I'm talkin about.
Signed, Cole
Dear ESPN,
Thanks for trying to make Arena Football a viable option for your male viewers who are going through football withdrawls. I think your coverage is great. Now, I know that it's the summer and that baseball highlights are usually as about as exciting as watching flies make love, but your summer gimmicks that attempt to entice your viewers to watch more ESPN really need to go. Last year it was "Who's Now?" and I could write for days about how Goddamned awful that was. This year it is slightly more interesting but still lame as all hell with this "Titletown" crap. I'm telling you, if I were running your network, there would be some non sports loving hippies in Bristol Conneticut standing in the unemployment office. Stick to what made you, you ESPN.
Professional Rugby and the USFL.
Love, Cole
Dear WWE,
You used to be so cool...what happened to you?
Seriously.
Dear Readers,
Over the next couple weeks I will be doing the Mid American Conference Preview on TJS. I will do all I can not to be too biased in my opinions especially towards all of those shithead schools in Ohio. Wednesday will be Ball State.
Never Leave me, you're all I've got.
Cole
3 comments:
First of all, you are an idiot. Madonna is hot. I don't care how old she is. He is not the first athlete to ruin his marriage, so lets take it easy on him.
Second, please know what you are talking about. The Tigers are below .500, and you would not want A-rod on this team. Come on? I suppose you are a fan of Sheffields. Well A-rod is hitting .323 with 18 HR and 50 RBI. He is going to his 12th All Star game and just tied Mantle on the home run list. Wow, I am pretty sure he would help the crap the Tigers are putting out on the field everyday.
I agree that he is easy to hate. Most great players are. His personality could use some work, but don't be so quick to defend the characters the Tigers already have on their roster.
Sheffield = Steroids
Ordonez = Could you atleast dive for one ball in the outfield.
Inge = Gay
Cabrera = Fat
Rogers = Watch out camera men
If you wanna say A-rod chokes in the big games, and is somewhat of a weird individual ok. But don't waste our time with thoughts that he wouldn't help the Tigers.
First off, Madonna really isn't that hot. Second, as I'm writing this, the Tigers are AT .500, not below. Third, Cole has said numerous times that he thinks Sheffield should retire so don't bring him up. A-Rod is a great player, you're right, but I personally wouldn't want him on the Tigers. His salary is just way too much to really build much else around him unless you're the Yankees and look at what they've done with him. It's one thing to be great in the regular season and break records, but the real ball players want to play (and do well) in more than the 162 regular season games. I will continue to argue against A-Rod until he proves he can do something in the postseason, perform his best, and win something meaningful.
Some valid points, but everything is meaningless unless you actually make the post season. The Tigers made the post season in 06. That was the first time in how many years? We seem to be living off that one year like we actually won it all. So far we were just a quick one hit wonder. We didnt make it last year, and we are not looking good this year. Add A-rod to this team and we make the playoffs.
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