Tigers Live(ish) Blog

I was going to write up a Ball State football preview but then I realized that nobody that reads this blog gives a rat's ass about Ball State so I am stirring up different ideas instead. Probably a game by game preview of Eastern Michigan Football instead since all the other teams in the MAC are pretty much lame. Unless you, my dear readers, want a team by team preview, then I will in fact do that. Let me know eh?

Kenny on the bump for this matinee shot against the newly hated Minnesota Twins. I say newly hated because with as shitty as the Tribe is now (15 games back from the Pale Hosers and in the cellar of the Central, this makes me happy in the pants. Suck it Cleveland.) I just figured that I might as well hate on the team directly above the Tigers in the standings. Going into today, the Tigers are 7 games back from Chicago and 3.5 back from the Twins. Needless to say, this four game set going into the All Star break is beyond crucial. A sweep would put the Tigers up by half a game on the Twins, but I'm not at all expecting a sweep. Just play good. That's all I really want.

It's Christmas in July at the CoPa today which means the guys in the bullpen are wearing Santa Hats. Cute guys, cute. Rogers looks good after the top half of the first as he retires the side in order. Too early to get excited, but it could be a good day.

Kevin Slowey takes the hill for the Twins and he wins the prize for most unfortunate name for a pitcher I've seen this year. Grando does a hell of a job leading off as he flies out to Nick Punto (Punto is the Spanish word for Whore, just wanted to say it) just beyond the infield dirt. Punto getting some early work in today as Polanco, fresh off his swearing in as an American citizen, grounds out to short. Guillen earns a walk and Cabrera grounds out to second to end the inning.

Last night I started watching the game against the Tribe as it started at 7. Bonine pitched like he had never seen a baseball before (he is now playing for AA Erie after consecutive train wreck outings) and the Tribe jumped out to a quick 6-0 lead. Naturally, I turned off the game and went about my business which involved, well...nothing really but I just couldn't bear to watch the blowout to the worst team in the division. I get a text at about 9:30 or so from Twatty that reads "FUCK YEAH!!" and I immediately turn to the game where the Tigers have tied it up with one out in the 7th. Sensing that big things were happening, I continue to watch the game only to see the routine 6-4-3 double play happen 30 seconds into my viewing. It was at that moment where I text Twatty back and tell him that I'm a jinx and will not watch the rest of the game. Of course, the rest is history now as Miggy hits an absolute LASER to the Tigers bullpen to win the game and sweep the two game set against Cleveland. Now, had I kept watching the game, I'm not sure it would have happened. Sometimes you just have to know when to turn the game off, especially if the second you join in, something bad happens. Masten used to always tell me I was a jinx. Sometimes I think he's right.

Marcus Thames is in the lineup today. Marcus is an every day player for any other team in the league not named the Red Sox and yet, the Tigers still cling to the myth that Gary Sheffield still has it. It baffles the mind sometimes. Sure enough Marcus stays productive as I type this and hits a bloop single into left. Just as any thoughts of a possible run creep into my thoughts, recent call up Jeff Larish hits a shot down to first where Justin Morneau makes a great play, steps on first, fires to second where Punto (remember, Spanish for whore) apparently tags Marcus out for the unconventional double play. Inning over and it's time for a microwaved hot dog and glass of water for lunch. Much more to come...

What the hell just happened? A guy leaves for a minute to microwave a hotdog, comes back and it's suddenly 2-0 Twins. Looking back on MLB Gameday, Rogers gave up a lead off double, then a triple, and then a single which results in a score of 2-0. Sonofabitch. Luckily as I sit down the Tigers settle down and get out of the inning without any more problems. I am really starting to dislike Minnesota.

I just saw a Detroit Lions commercial that almost made me shoot hot dog out of my nose. "Do you believe in NOW?" Honestly? No, I do not believe in NOW. Speaking of horrible. Rod and Mario were just joined in the booth by Santa Paws. And Mario asks Paws a question. MASCOTS DON'T TALK!! BAD INTERVIEW!! Mario quickly redeems himself as he says, "That's the best two minutes in Detroit television history right there." That is why we have the best commentating team in the business, they know when they are being retarded and make fun of themselves for it.

Pudge strikes out looking and is probably going to be kicked out of the game at some point today after a long stare and probably cursing at the home plate umpire. Yeah, he's for sure going to get booted, just give it time.

You know what I love about warm day games in Detroit? The dirty downriver trash comes out in droves. This usually means that the overweight girls with skinny boyfriends are at the ball park and are typically all over the TV screen. There is nothing sexier than a girl in a tanktop with the fat overlapping the straps. Hawwwwwt.

Santiago (great to see him back in the Olde English D) draws a walk on a questionable 3-2 pitch and Granderson follows that up with a double into the left-center field gap which in turn scores Ramon. Polanco kills the rally with a pop out to Punto. HIT THE BALL ON THE GROUND!! Guillen up with two out and a runner in scoring position and as you would expect the Tigers' lone All Star representative to do, he...grounds out to second to end the inning. That'll happen. Comerica Bank believes in you, your future, your business. I hate that commercial. Chris Shelton is still Steve Yzerman's Tiger.

Morneau leads off the top of the 4th with a double down the right field line. Kenny is starting to piss me off. That and the guy takes for freakin ever to pitch a game. Watching Kenny Rogers pitch in person is like watching a grammar jamboree live but with less excitement. My favorite Ex-Tiger in the world Craig Monroe hammers a line drive right at Santiago at short for the first out then Delmon Young (was it Delmon or Delwyn that threw the bat at the ump?) grounds out to first, moving Morneau to third. Harris grounds out to Santiago to strand the runner at third. As much as I hate watching Kenny pitch, I have to say that he is good at what he does.

Great commercial by Casino Windsor, sorry, Caesar's Windsor, featuring a hot blonde chick in lingerie on a bed after you won big at the tables. So you're saying if I win 50 bucks Canadian playing blackjack that I'll automatically get a hot blonde chick waiting for me in my room? That's awesome.

Bottom of the fourth, one away after Cabrera can of corned out to right, Matt Joyce steps in. I have to say, I love what the Tigers are doing with these gritty white dudes from Toledo. I especially love it right now as Matt Joyce hits a freaking BOMB into the right field bleachers to tie the game. Joyce has 7 homers this season in sporadic playing time at the Major League level. Matt Joyce is campaigning very hard to be the official Tiger of Tobacco Juice Sports. Thames up next and hits to monster foul balls to left then hits a hot shot at Punto who then throws the ball into the fifth row behind first putting Thames at second with gritty white dude Jeff Larish at the plate. Larish is batting .195 with one homer this season in the majors, now he's batting close to .200 as he singles into right center and picks up his 8th big league RBI as Thames scores without a throw. Tigers take the lead. Larish is batting .368 with runners on base and .048 with the bases empty, and that is GREAT STAT WORK by the guys in the Fox Sports Detroit truck. Pudge comes to the plate and promptly goes down 0-2, fouls off one, then lines into right for another base hit. Santiago hits one out to the wall for a 2 run double and I almost kind of hope that Renteria is going to the 15 day DL so Ramon can stay in the lineup. Slowey is um slowly losing it out there on the mound and can't find the plate yet against Granderson. Curtis has swung at and fouled off ball four three times in this at bat and then grounds out to Punto for the second out. Polanco bails out Grando by blooping a single into center to score Santiago and give the Tigers 5 runs thus far in the bottom of the fourth. Guillen keeps the train rolling with a single down the first baseline and just like that, here comes Rod Gardenhire to end Slowey's day which is too bad, I really liked it when he was pitching. Wallside Windows can do that, they are the factory.

New pitcher for the Twins is Craig Breslow. In 19 games, opponents are batting just .197 against him. The first thing he does is throw over to first, Guillen isn't going anywhere dipshit just pitch to Cabrera. He does and Miguel hits a towering fly ball to right which is....caught in overly dramatic fashion on the warning track to end the inning. 5 run 4th for the Tigers and a 4 run lead going into the fifth. Let's take an inning off...my fingers hurt.

Ok, a lot happened in the fifth inning but at the same time nothing happened. Larish threw Punto out at the plate (oh and by the way, Punto is NOT the Spanish word for whore, Puto or Puta is, my bad) and Pudge gunned a guy out stealing third to get Kenny out of a jam. In the bottom half the Tigers loaded the bases but didn't score. Like I said, a lot happened, but nothing really happened.

There is a debate brewing between some broad and I about what a person should do after catching a home run from an opposing team. I automatically go with the tradition of throwing that bitch back to discourage any more opposing home run balls from making it to the stands. She on the other hand swears that she would keep it as a souvenir which is absolutely absurd to me. I realize that catching a home run is usually a once in a lifetime chance and that it would be really cool to do that. However, there are only a few reasons to keep a home run ball hit to you. Keep the homer ball if it is hit by your team, if it is a milestone home run ball, or if the player who hit said home run was your favorite player on the opposing team. Any and all other home run balls hit by slapasses from opposing teams are to be returned to the field of play no longer than 45 seconds after you gain control of the ball. This should give you plenty of time to look at the ball, admire the stitching, spit on Selig's signature, and throw it as far as you can back onto the field. We were at the game Tuesday night debating this as some jerkoff from Cleveland hit a home run about a section over from our seats in the left field pavillion. The guy who caught the ball admired it for a brief minute and launched it back onto the field. The Tribe didn't score again for the rest of the game. It's about positive mojo more than anything. Trust me, I'm right. Throw it back!!

Meanwhile at Comerica Park...Some guy named Jesse Crain is on the hill now for Minnesota and quickly produces two deep fly ball outs from Polanco and Guillen. Cabrera is up and Mario tells his viewers that Miguel is 9th in the AL in RBI with 56, news that quite literally surprises the shit out of me with as inept he has seemed at times this season. 56 RBI is impressive at this stage of the year. What's not impressive to me is the 0-4 performance from him today as he pops out to Morneau. I think that all this talk about Miggy getting his swing back may be a bit premature. He's had a good 5 games but is looking borderline terrible at the plate today.

Top of the 7th and Kenny is still pitching. Apparently the bullpen needs a blow today and Leyland is going to let the Gambler eat up some innings. As I type this my heart drops as they show Fernando Rodney warming up in the bullpen. How is this guy still a major league pitcher? A four run lead is not safe when you got that meatsip warming up in the pen. Kenny allows a lead off single, walks the next batter and now the Twins have two men on with nobody out in the 7th. Kenny does well however getting a double play ball to short, unfortunately Gomez is retardedly fast out of the box and beats out the throw. Runners on the corners and Kenny gets a fly ball to left which scores Punto (again, his name does NOT mean whore). Two away and an awkward pause as the FSD camera goes directly to Leyland whom they expect to take Rogers out of the game. Leyland stands pat, Rogers gets a ground ball, and the inning is over with minimal damage. The Tigers either need to score a lot of runs in the bottom half of the seventh, or they need to pray for a miracle as it appears Kenny's day is done and Fernando Fucking Rodney is warming up.

Scoring a bunch of runs doesn't look very likely as Joyce stirkes out and Thames grounds out for two quick outs. Larish comes to the plate and like the gritty white dude he is ropes a shot down the left field line that bounces into the stands for half of a home run. Pudge now with a runner in scoring position goes down 0-2 as usual and then bounces out to the pitcher. They go to commercial without telling us which pitcher is coming out. I should probably put a dip in now...

Oh great. FFR (Fernando Fucking Rodney) takes the hill to face the heart of the Twins order. This could get messy. Morneau is up and is 3 for 3 on the day with a double as he continues his ownage of Tigers pitching. FFR throws his 1-1 pitch directly to the backstop and on the 2-1 pitch serves up a rocketball to the centerfield wall that appears to maybe be a home run. The replay shows that it was indeed off the yellow line but MLB has yet to install replay so it's a meeting of the minds out there now. After a brief debate, the men in blue shirts decide to keep it as its called on the field and Morneau stays at second with his second double of the day. For some reason Rod Allen swears that FFR is one of the best in the game. I usually don't disagree with Rod Allen, but in this case he could not be more wrong. To his credit though, FFR did just get Monroe to ground out to first but the runner is now on third with 1 out. Ground ball to Guillen at third scores the run and we have a two run ball game. Rodney just threw another pitch to the backstop. If he was any good, that would be considered quirky, problem is he sucks, so it's just an example of being a bad major league pitcher. 22 pitches later, FFR is out of the 8th inning allowing one run. Bottom of the 8th coming up...can we please get some insurance runs here? I'm not liking this situation.

Tigers go down in order in the bottom of the 8th after two ugly strikeouts and a ground out. It's in Jonesy's hands now.

Todd Jones comes into the game to the sounds of "Last One Standing" by the Christian rock group MercyMe. It's a catchy tune for those that appreciate the whole Christian Rock thing. I would personally say Red Hot Chili Peppers "Rollercoaster" would be better for him but to each his own. Jonesy is about to blow another save. He allows the first batter on base with a single then the next guy hits a routine single that turns into a triple after Joyce misplays it and it rolls to the wall. Tiger killer, Joe Mauer is the new batter for the Twins who are a fly ball away from tying the game in the 9th. Sure as shit, Mauer flies out to Clete Thomas in left and the Twins tie it up. I know it's on Jones, but I'm still kind of blaming FFR for this one. And like he usually does, Jones can't get the third out on the first try. Oh and good news everyone Justin Morneau is coming to the plate. Jonesy gets yanked from the game by Leyland. Um...what? Thats got to be kind of a "Fuck You" to Todd Jones from the Tigers skipper. Bobby Seay is coming into the game. Happy is not a word I would use to describe myself right now. I can't watch the rest of this inning...

Ok, I turned the channel really quick to King of the Hill then turned back hoping that it was over now. It's not. Seay let Morneau on base and now it's Freddy Dolsi who should have been in the game instead of FFR in the 8th. Instead Dolsi comes in with runners on first and second and two away with Mike Lamb up for the Twins. I want to say right now before he possibly blows it, Freddy Dolsi is a good, young pitcher. He almost blew it. Placido Polanco makes a WebGem and gets Lamb out at first to end the inning and keep the score tied going into the bottom of the 9th.

Bottom of the 9th now and it's gonna be all star Joe Nathan facing Carlos Guillen, Cabrera, and Joyce. Nathan quickly falls behind 3-0 to Carlos and then gets a gift strike call from the home plate umpire. Carlos earns himself a walk and winning run is on with Miguel Cabrera at the plate. No way does he walk off two games in a row, I'm just saying. Nathan goes down 2-0 to Miggy who, as I have mentioned before is 0-4 on the day and not looking pretty doing it. Guillen steals second and now with a 2-2 count and nobody out, Cabrera is a single away from winning the game for Detroit, but as I just said, no way does he do it twice in a row. Cabrera walks and now its up to gritty white dude Matt Joyce who could make up for his blunder with one swing of the bat. And suddenly my mojo is ruined as the girl roomate is suddenly thinking that getting Dish Network along with Comcast and the creepy fuckin Dish Network guy is now down in my room and generally pissing me right the fuck off. How bout some warning there LE? At least let me clean my room before you have some random dude in here hooking up your goddamned Dish Network. In the mean time, Joyce pops out and now there is one out with runners on first and second and Clete Thomas, yet another gritty white dude, comes up to the plate. WILD PITCH! The runners move up and the winning run is a mere 30 yards away from the plate. Four pitches high and wide and it'll be up to Matt Larish to win the game for the Tigers. One out, bases loaded and I'm hoping against hope that a ground ball doesn't happen. I'm pretty sure the small ball loving Ben Hamilton, head coach of the State Champion Grass Lake Warriors would call for the squeeze here. Jim Leyland won't though as Larish takes strike one on the outside corner. Larish uncorks a swing but sends it into the upper deck seats behind the plate. Larish swings again and strikes out. Two away with Pudge coming up and the bases juiced. Something tells me that bonus baseball may be on the way... High and tight fastball that if Pudge steps into, the game is over. He decides to be a candy ass and backs out of the way. What happened to taking one for the team with the bases loaded? In his defense though, that pitch was a 95 mph fastball and would have probably hit him in the face. I would have backed out too. Weird, Pudge strikes out with the bases loaded on a pitch that was clearly around the fucking eyes. SONOFABITCH!!

Bonus baseball headed our way. Oh and by the way, I absolutely HATE the commercial with all the kids singing that stupid ass "Let it Shine" song for the Cornerstone private school system. SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRATS AND GO TO A PUBLIC SCHOOL!

Dolsi gets the first two out, walks Punto, Span singles and now it's Joe Mauer with runners on the corners. Great. After Dolsi gets hosed on a couple of close ones, Mauer walks and now it's Dolsi versus Casilla with two out in the top of the tenth. Dolsi gets Casilla to ground out to Placido and the Twins leave the bases loaded just like the Tigers did which makes me feel mildly better but still quite pissed off. The Tigers were up 6-2 at one point in this game and they've let these assholes from Minnesota back into the game and are playing more baseball than they needed to to put them away. Who's to blame for this? The man that started the bad mojo, Fernando F-ing Rodney.

Bottom of the 10th now and this post is retardedly longer than I wanted it to be. And just as the Tigers come up to bat, creepy Dish Network Guy is back in my basement along with girl roommate. Santiago is up and works the count to full before grounding out to second. Granderson up now with one away. Mario Impemba is a guy who must really dig the longball because in any pressure situation he mentions how many homers a guy has on the year or off a certain pitcher which then causes the batter to ground out. Case in point is Granderson who just grounded out to second. Two away now and it's Placido Polanco up against some dude named Gurrier who is probably French so I don't like him. Polanco flies out and we get another inning of bonus baseball.

Top of 11 now and Dolsi is still on the bump for Detroit. Interesting strategy hopefully it works out. So far so good as he gets the lead off man to pop out in foul territory where Clete Thomas makes a great play and flips into the stands while doing it. Gritty. Justin Morneau is up, he's reached base every time he's stepped in the box today and he is now 5-5 as he gives the Twins the lead with a home run into the old bullpen area. Why not? Two singles, two doubles, a walk, and now a most likely game winning home run. Damnit. If I'm Jim Leyland, I go on a rant today win or lose. They played about 5 innings today and thought that it was enough. Gotta finish it fellas. That's bullshit and you know it.

Bottom of the 11th coming up with Guillen, Rayburn, and Joyce due up. Guillen starts it off by flying out to left. Rayburn now up after pinch running for Cabrera in the 9th and takes a pitiful hack at a 1-1 breaking ball then grounds out to short. Matt Joyce, who deserves some of the blame for this trainwreck, steps up to the plate, hammers a line drive into the gap for a double and the tying run is in scoring position. My hopes, however, are not up. Clete Thomas is the batter now and gets hosed with a high called strike. Nasty breaking pitch for strike two and strike three called, the game is over and I'm really pissed off.

DAMNIT