If I Could Write a Letter To...

Dear America,
How am I the only person outraged by this story about the Greenwich, Connecticut teenagers who built a Wiffle Ball stadium and pissed off a bunch of snobby ass rich people? What kind of country are we living in now days? Some kids build a wall and throw some bases down to play wiffle ball and everyone reacts as if they built a freakin meth lab or something. And what's worse is the fact that lawyers are getting involved now. The kids have lawyered up, the town has lawyered up, the snobby ass rich people have also gotten their lawyer friends invovled, the whole thing is just turning into an absolute shitshow. I realize that the kids probably should have built it say, in their yard or something as opposed to a public place but at the same time, wouldn't the town be kind of happy to see something like that? If the town of Grass Lake built a wiffle ball "stadium" like that, I would personally be thrilled to the point of staging an all night wiffle ball marathon tournament. I know the city of Greenwich is kind of in a tough spot as some dude broke his leg in a public park, sued the city and won millions of dollars in a settlement, but that doesn't mean that they have to wrap the entire town in bubble wrap so nobody will get a boo-boo. They're kids, if they get hurt, it's no big deal. Like my Dad once said, "No balls, no babies." It's time to let your balls drop America and quit being such a pussy about everything.
LET THEM PLAY!
Cole

Dear Billy Packer,
I have to say this, you've never been one of my favorites. You have been announcing the NCAA Tournament for something along the lines of 28 years and CBS has finally cut ties with you. Will I miss your nonsensical ramblings during the games you're involved in? Probably. Will I miss the bitching and moaning you did before, during, and after the tournament? Probably not. The good news for you is that ESPN will probably hire you because well, the World Wide Leader is all about ratings and crazy old men going on rants about this and that usually equal great ratings. Clark Kellog is going to take your spot with Jim Nantz or whoever for the tournament. Talk about a bad trade...
Keep your head up Billy,
Cole

Dear Tigers Fans,
The All Star Break is here. The Tigers are sitting at .500 on the year after being as many as 12 games under that mark earlier in the year. As I have said before, if the Tigers are at .500 at the break, everything could probably be all right. The only problem is that Chicago is still 7 games ahead. That means that over the course of the rest of the season, the Tigers need to win every time the Sox lose. The only way the Tigers make the playoffs this season is if they win the Division. Keep the faith everybody. It'll take quite a run to make it, but it's a run this team is capable of making.
Keep the faith,
Cole

Dear Detroit Tigers,
You need to make a run here and it needs to happen sooner than later. Here is how you can do it. First of all, you need to trade Edgar Renteria, a prospect (NOT MATT JOYCE) and whoever else you can find for a different shortstop or another starting pitcher (Erik Bedard from Seattle maybe?). If you can't get a better shortstop, you need to put Carlos back at short where he was decent and put Inge back at third. I know it would be difficult to pull that off, but it would be nice to have that side of the infield back the way it was. I hate to say i told you so about Renteria. It was just a bad idea. Has he done some good things? Yes. Is he capable of producing big numbers the rest of the year? Not in the way you need him to. I never thought I would say this, but Omar Infante would be nice to see at the shortstop position again. Speaking of lack of production, was I the only one who noticed how well the Tigers played with Sheff on the DL and out of the lineup? Doesn't that kind of jump off the page at you? Don't get me wrong, I really like Sheff and want to see him do well, but it's just not happening anymore. It's time to put the dog down. As for everything else, keep the gritty white guy trio of Clete, Joyce, Larish, and Rayburn around as long as possible. Their Blue Collar style of play is a breath of fresh air for this team that seemed removed from how Detroit fans expect their guys to play. Gritty, hardworking, playing to win on every play. I love it, don't change it. Keep playin ball guys, everything will work itself out how it is supposed to.
Love,
Cole


Dear Matt Joyce,
Congratulations on being the official Tiger of Tobacco Juice Sports! Hopefully you won't soon be the official Mud Hen of Tobacco Juice Sports.
Don't Go a Changin,
Cole

Dear Detroit Lions,
Do you believe in Now? That's the worst slogan I've ever heard for a season ticket blitz before the season. Anything else would have been better. Hell, "Come watch us not suck as much as usual" would be better than what you have now. Use your heads you fuckin morons.
Cole

Dear Brett Favre,
Brett, dude, you're my favorite football player of all time. That being said, I don't think watching you play with any other team would be worth my time of effort. Unless it was with the Lions. Stay retired Brett. Just, just stay retired.
Seriously,
Cole