They Have the Internet on Computers Now?

I'm back! Here's Brian Bellows!



I got my old laptop with the O.A.R. sticker on it back from the homeland and now I am able to blog again. Like I said before, blogging on the campus of Eastern Michigan University isn't exactly a fun experience. Unless of course I was sitting there outside a building or in a cafeteria just blogging about what I saw and being an asshole via Internet to all those around me. That would be one of the most entertaining blogs ever. Maybe one of these days you'll get it. But until then let's talk about stuff nobody really gives a rat's ass about.

Is it just me or has all this Alex Rodriguez hoopla absolutely sucked the life out of spring training? Typically I love watching SportsCenter this time of year to get some decent baseball coverage with season previews and the like but this year it's been all A-Rod all the time on the World Wide Leader. Whenever I turn on ESPN there's the bottom line telling me how many times A-Rod wiped his ass after his morning deuce. It was at that point when the "Too Much Information" line was crossed and I have decided to just not watch SportsCenter anymore. In fact, this is the last time I will even mention A-Rod until the Tigers play the Yanks in a three game set at CoPa April 27th-29th. From now until then the words A-Rod, Rod, Alex, Rodriguez, or DoucheTurd (as he will be referenced forever post embargo) will not be written in this space. THE ALEX RODRIGUEZ EMBARGO IS NOW IN EFFECT!

Speaking of the WorldWideLeaderInSports, I watched the last 20 minutes of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN2 (the "Dos") and found them borderline entertaining. As you know (well, as some of you know) ESPN is located in Bristol, Connecticut and was absolutely PUMMELED with a winter storm which forced ESPN to email its minions telling them that unless you are absolutely essential personnel you are not required to attend work. This led Golic to an epiphany saying, "Basically if you're sitting up in bed wondering if you're essential personnel, stay in bed, you're not essential personnel." Personally, I think it's a trick that ESPN is pulling to see who they can fire for not being "essential to the success of the network." That's what I would do anyway. A pink slip for every empty cube. Save millions of dollars just like that. Boo Ya!

Speaking of saving money, let's talk NBA. Apparently the NBA is hemorrhaging money and is getting something around $175 million for teams that are in danger of folding. Where's your god now David Stern? I tell you what though, at this point the entire Association could fold because my interest in the game has reached Teal Era levels. When the Pistons changed to their unis to teal with the horse head on it I just stopped watching. And that's the level I'm back to now. The Teal Era dark age led to a revolution of sorts and resulted in a championship. I don't know what to name this period of Piston history. The Period of General Lethargy? The Great Debacle Era? The End of Days? I don't know but I have noticed one thing just like the rest of you have, they have won two games in a row with Iverson on the bench...BUT I still don't care. The day they traded Chauncey away will go down in history as the day the music officially died in Auburn Hills. That's like the Wings trading away Lidstrom or Drapes, you don't trade away the blood and guts of a successful franchise and still expect to win. I don't want to talk bad about Joe Dumars but c'mon man, you serious? That's like the Pistons trading YOU away. Remember when I said time will tell if it was a good deal? Time just called, he said it was an experiement worse than when my high school chemistry teacher blew his hand up in front of a classroom full of students when he showed them what sodium does in water. That actually happened. It was hilarious.

Is it just me or is it kind of fishy that they Chiefs traded nothing more than a 2nd round pick to the Patriots for Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel? KC GM Scott Pioli had a HUGE hand in the success of the Pats over the years with Bill Belicheck so maybe Bill was just throwing his buddy a little "thanks for helping me win three Super Bowls" gift. The idiots on Cold Pizza's (which was hosted by Michael Kim and former US Soccer player hottie Julie Foudy this morning because apparently the regular cast isn't "essential personnel" oh and Foudy looked like it was the first time she'd ever done live-ish televison. Seriously, I was laughing my ass off at how bad it was. It was a slow mo hilarious car crash on repeat for the 8 minutes or so I watched) First and Ten "Two Live Stews" say it is most definitely collusion and called for NFL Commish Roger Goodell to get involved. I whole heartedly disagree with that sentiment. If Goodell gets involved he's blatantly overstepping his boundaries and that's something David Stern, Gary Bettman, or Bud Selig would do. It's one thing to install a code of conduct for your players, I'm cool with that and think it's a great idea but when you start telling teams how to trade and who to trade with, well then you're just kind of taking the whole play fair thing a little too far. If the rest of the league doesn't like what happened, too damn bad, you should have hired Pioli before the Chiefs did.

The Lions reportedly were close to stealing Jay Cutler away from Denver. I don't know how, but they found a way to screw it up. Great work Mayhew and Crew! I can't wait to see the Lions be the first team to ever choose a kicker with the number one pick in the draft. I can see it now, "With the first pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select...Diet Pepsi Machine?" It's like everyone they hire for the front office there in Allen Park graduated with honors from the University of Dipshit.

A couple of quick hitters here before I go and do something else with my life (like attempt to graduate).

Michigan Hoops at Crisler is a fun time. Went with Rowe on Thursday to watch them beat Purdue. My only regret is not taunting the "Boiler Up" Chanters behind us more. Boil this (insert crotch grab here) bitches! Then in the schizophrenic style of Michigan basketball, they lost yesterday to Wisconsin and unless they win at least two games in the Big Ten Tourney (they play Northwestern Thursday and then upon winning they have to play State for the first time ever in the Big Ten Tourney which should be fun. Basically, the bubble may have burst but who knows, maybe they'll hit a hot streak and win the damn thing. Doubtful but you never know.

Michigan Hockey beat Ferris State Saturday to secure second place in the regular season CCHA standings and a first round bye in the CCHA tournament. The big news was Senior Captain Mark Mitera played in his first series of the season and in his first home game, scored a goal and had an assist after being injured all year. Talk about great timing. With Mitera back on the blue-line, Michigan could be poised to make a run at another National Title. Too early to tell.

Ok that's enough. Here's a picture of Official Hot Chick of Tobacco Juice Sports Elisha Cuthbert for those who made it through the whole post.

You're the best Bellows!

*UPDATE*
I, like a total asshole forgot to mention former Lion defensive end Corey Smith's fishing boat going missing in the Gulf of Mexico. AP just reported (1:15pm right now) the Coast Guard has found the boat with one survivor. Kind of a downer. Thoughts and prayers. More info HERE.
And HERE.