Just a quick disclaimer...I have no idea what I am talking about. Well, I have a small amount of an idea as to what I am talking about but I really have no idea.
The people (well, Dave) have spoken and they demanded a TJS Mock Draft. Well being that I am back home for the weekend visiting Mom and Pop and maybe a little brother or two, what better time to write about the draft? Today will be the mock draft with the assistance from Dave since we're both back home in Grass Lake and Missy's Grass Shack isn't jumpin until at least 10 (Dave helping is going to be like when your dad told you to hold the flash light while he was fixing the lawn mower in the front yard in broad daylight) and tomorrow I'll see what I'm in the mood for. Probably the typical post talking about how the Lions suck and the Jet's picked the wrong guy because well...there are just certain inevitable truths in life and those are two of them, another big one is gravity.
"With the first pick of the 2008 NFL Draft, the Miami Dolphins select Jake Long offensive tackle from the University of Michigan"
And that is the only pick I am going to get right the rest is a soup sandwich.
2. St. Louis Rams - Vernon Gholston LB/DE Ohio State - Some are saying Glenn Dorsey from LSU but I am saying they go with the freakishly athletic Wolverine killer from Columbus and mainly for those very reasons.
3. Atlanta Falcons - Glenn Dorsey DT LSU - I really want to see Matt Ryan taken here but it's the Falcons and they are banking that Mike Vick will be out of prison at some point to lead them to the Super Bowl or at least help clean up the stadium as community service. My bet is, Glenn Dorsey is this season's Steve Emtman.
4. Los Angeles Raiders - Darren McFadden RB Arkansas - With Jamarcus Russel and McFadden in the same backfield, the Raidas are pretty much set for the future. Can't wait till next year's draft so they can draft a great WR with the first overall pick. Yes, I am saying the Raiders will be the worst team in the league in 2008.
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Chris Long DE Virginia - Absolute no brainer here after they traded Jared Allen to Minnesota. Chris Long will be one of, if not THE best player from this year's draft when they look back on it in 5 years. Future Hall of Famer I shit you not.
6. New York Jets - Matt Ryan QB Boston College - Settle down, settle down! This is probably not going to happen as for some reason the Jets think that Clemens is the quarterback of the future for them. I don't believe that to be true and think that Matt Ryan would be great in the Jets' system. Dave is sitting here swearing to God that they are going to take Sedrick Ellis but that pick is too trendy for me. Dave is probably going to be right on this one.
7. New England Patriots - Sedrick Ellis DT USC - The Pats are great at drafting defensive linemen who turn into more than adequate football players later on such as Richard Seymour, among others.
8. Baltimore Ravens - Any Available Quarterback be it Chad Henne (yeah right) Brian Brohm, or Joe Flacco - Trade down and get a QB if Matt Ryan is not available. Please Baltimore, I'm begging you, I can't bear to watch you play with the peanut guy at QB any longer.
9. Cincinnati Bengals - Keith Rivers LB USC - Seems like a good character guy but I'm sure at some point as the ritual goes with the Bengals, this guy will end up in jail for a night for something someone else did. It's just bound to happen. If they trade Ocho Cinco look for them to take a WR here but they're from Ohio and kind of stupid so they won't trade him.
10. New Orleans - Branden Albert OT Virginia - Reggie Bush isn't the same since the hit that left him crawling on the ground looking for his heart that apparently came flying out when he got hit...still hasn't found it. He's soft. Dave says Mike Jenkins from USF who DOMINATED while I was playing with USF in NCAA 08 for ps2 Dave is probably right with this one too.
11. Buffalo Bills - Devin Thomas WR Michigan State - Devin Thomas is a freak of nature type kid and will be a good to very good receiver in the league, gotta love the Sparties and their ability to produce good receivers. Like Mushin Muhammad, Plaxico Burress...and um Charles Rogers...yeah...bummer
12. Denver Broncos - Chris Williams OT Vanderbilt - Big, nasty, mean, strong, everything you want in an offensive lineman.
13. Carolina Panthers - Ryan Clady OT Boise State - Guy got not one but TWO huge blocks on the play that turned Boise State into the greatest Cinderella story in college football history. If I had a team I would draft him.
14. Chicago Bears - Rashard Mendenhall RB Illinois - "Local boy does good" will be the headline in the Tribune on Sunday as the Bears pick up the very talented Mendenhall. Reminds me of Curtis Enis, no wait...Rushann Salaam, no wait...Cedric Benson...poor kid, never had a chance.
15. Detroit Lions - Does it really matter? It does? Ok the Lions will choose Branden Albert from Virginia if they listen to Dave. I think it'll be..like I said, does it really matter? The dude is just going to break our hearts with the rest of those clowns. But if anyone who is not a Lions fan says they suck, I will fight you. If you're a Lions fan and you say they suck, it's ok. Fire Millen, Fire the staff, Fire the Fords, sell the team to Illitch, he's a proven winner.
16. Arizona Cardinals - Derrick Harvey LB Florida - Solid linebacker for a team that needs more than that like say a quarterback who doesn't do beer bongs with underaged girls.
17. Kansas City Chiefs (From Minnesota) - I'm a big fan of trading middle first round picks for proven talent to fill a need. Well done Vikes, well done. Kansas City will take the best lineman available to fix their porous offensive line. Any one will do, just find a large dude and put him in a jersey and a helmet and tell him to hit the guy in the other colored jersey. Dave says "Gosder Cherilus from Boston College and he also has the best name in the first round except for that Leonidas guy" (we've been drinking it's ok).
18. Houston Texans - Jonathon Stewart RB Oregon - This will make their rag tag group of running backs obsolete. Stewart is a hell of a ballplayer, tough runner which Houston needs. Hell everyone needs that.
19. Philadelphia Eagles - Limas Sweed WR Texas - In my opinion the best receiver in the draft and to use a Mel Kiper term, has "tremendous upside." I can't wait till tomorrow to play the Mel Kiper drinking game which would be fun but there's just not enough beer to play it. It'd be like playing century club with full beers instead of just shots of beer. Dave claims Mel Kiper has no college education. Dave also believes in Santa Claus AND Hanukah Harry.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Phillip Merling DE Clemson - Saw him play once on CBS or something, seemed like a good player.
21. Washington Redskins - Calais Cambell DE Miami (FL) - Never heard of this guy. Go Canes!
22. Dallas Cowboys - Chastity Stripper Ypsilanti Deja Vu - Somebody has to keep Pac-Man busy so he doesn't get banished to the CFL (good god he would DOMINATE the CFL). Dave insists I put an actual pick here and I say that Dominique Rogers Cromartie kid from Tennessee State will be the pick.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Aaron Krepps WR Washington and Jefferson - Just seems like the logical choice. He's great, just ask him, he'll tell you. Dave says James Hardy WR Indiana (Dave is cheating by reading fifteen different mock drafts from actual "experts" and insists that we keep this serious. Buzzkill)
24. Houston Oilers er, Tennessee Titans - Malcom Kelly WR Oklahoma (boomer sooner!) - This is another player who is going to have a great impact even though they would have liked Limas Sweed since he's already played with Vince Young and that just would have been a nice little story...awww.
25. Seattle Seahawks - Felix Jones RB Arkansas - Dude was McFadden's backup and is still a solid first round pick. After they released Shawn Alexander (my accidental first pick in the fantasy draft in 06 instead of Tomlinson due to a computer glitch...my season was ruined) it's time to restock the cupboard with a solid back at this pick. I think TJ Duckett is going to have a 1500 yard season though...I'm just saying.
26. Jacksonville Jaguars - Quinton Groves DE/OLB Auburn - Nasty football player just nasty...could possibly give Jacksonville a scary good defense next season.
27. A Whale's Vagina Chargers - Jared Mayo LB Tennessee - Just another solid player from Phil Fulmer's football factory and warehouse emporium.
28. Dallas Cowboys - Ray Rice RB Rutgers - Dave says they need a running back and for the first time all night, I actually agree with him but not Ray Rice. Well...maybe Ray Rice. He might be pretty good or he could be a bust.
29. San Francisco 49ers - DeSean Jackson WR Cal - Ted Ginn Jr clone except this guy has talent.
30. Green Bay Packers - Brett Favre QB Southern Mississippi (do to Dave's insisting, I will say they take Aqib Talib CB Kansas)
31. New England Patriots - They commited the cardinal sin and do not get a pick in this slot. The cardinal sin wasn't cheating, the cardinal sin was getting caught. But like I've always said, if you ain't cheatin, you ain't tryin. "That's how I got through most of school!" Dave chimes in.
32. New York Giants - Dan Connor LB Penn State - One tough S.O.B. and he will do very well, very quickly for the G-Men.
Finally, thats the end of the first mock draft and I am completely done writing for the night because that was brutal. The Tigers are down 2-0 right now after Robertson served up a MOONshot to Vlad the Impaler in the top of the 4th. The Pistons are playing too...eh, wake me up when it's game 7.
TOMORROW! Live blog of all the events on tap. Wings at 3, Draft at 3, Tigers at 3:30. Holy mother of God.
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