Game two of a four game set with the Red Sox features Nate Robertson on the bump going against the knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. Also notably in the Tigers lineup, Sheffield is in left, Carlos is the DH and Brandon Inge is at the hot corner, which makes me and thousands of other Tigers faithful happy in the bathing suit area. Finally we can see if Inge would really get all the grounders and line drives we say he would have after Carlos didn't do the job.
Relatively tame first inning of work for Nate, he walked Papi and forced Manny to hit one deep to the gap that probably would have been out in other ball parks but not at Comerica National to end the inning.
You know what I love about Tim Wakefield? He throws the knuckleball. You know what I love about the knuckleball? Anybody can throw it. Hell, I can throw a respectable knuckleball, even Otter can throw a knuckleball. The thing about Wakefield is that he can throw it relatively consistently at 65 mph or so and then he can fire a fastball at you at what seems like 137 mph when it is really just at 85. Tricky sumbitch that Tim Wakefield, tricky sum umma bitch.
"How many Japanese knuckleballers do you think there are?" Otter asked.
"I dunno, probably not too many," I mumbled, thinking he was being serious.
"Then what the fuck does Rod Allen know about hitting the knuckleball?" I'm glad to say Otter is here watching the game with me today. He's always good for a gem or two.
Second inning action after Nate walked Lowell he gives up a double down the line by Youkilis on a ball that well...ok Inge didn't get it and Carlos wouldn't have even tried so we'll call that a wash. JD Drew, also known as the most overrated and overpaid baseball player this side of Juan Gonzalez makes me eat my words as he singles up the middle to drive in Lowell from third. Great.
Speaking of Juan Gonzalez. The first game I went to this year was the April 3rd game against the Royals. My buddy Landon and I got there retardedly early but we got to watch BP which I highly suggest everyone do at least eight times in their lives. As we were walking in we noticed the Late 90s early 2000s honorary pillar in the concourse. We stopped and looked at it talking about how much Bobby Higginson sucked and how awesome Damien Easley was in the home run derby, when suddenly, I noticed a picture of my most hated Tiger ever. Juan Gonzalez. What in the hell is a picture of Juan F-ing Gonzalez doing anywhere in Comerica Park? He "played" here for one season and I use the term "played" very, VERY loosely. He was a complete and utter waste of money for Tigers, the city of Detroit, and the entire state of Michigan and northern Ohio. To say he was a pathetic excuse for a ballplayer would be entirely too nice. The Tigers traded away Justin Thompson (our best young pitcher) and Gabe Kapler (our best young outfielder) for that no talent ass clown. He was the beginning of the end of the Tigers we knew and loved. I blame 2003 on Juan Gonzalez. Hell, I blame everything bad that's happened in the world on Juan Gonzalez coming to Detroit. Luckily, Thompson and Kapler both turned out to be bad baseball players later on so we will also call that a wash. Just do me a favor Illitch Family, take that picture out of the pillar, we don't need to relive those days.
Rough outing early for Robertson as he gives up three in the top of the second. Wakefield is looking Steve Sparks strong right now and it's making me nervous. 5 pitch inning in the bottom of the second for Wakefield...this could turn into a very angry blog post very quickly.
The Sox are starting to small ball the Tigers to death now which is absolute bullshit if you ask me. Why you gotta play small ball when you're up 3-0 early in the game? Bush league Francona, bush league! If I were Robertson I would drill the next guy right between the numbers. Robertson responds better than I would have though and gets Pedroia (who is not Ellsbury) to ground out to Inge and leave two men in scoring position for Papi who then grounds out to Cabrera at first to end the inning. Have I mentioned how much I like Cabrera at first instead of third? Time to do some dishes, Steve Otterbein will take over for the time being.
Steve Otterbein: In baseball terms, Anthony is a Starting pitcher who has the skills to go the distance and has the occasional rough outing. I, on the other hand, am very similar to a pinch hitter: I contribute in clutch situations and I come through when few people expect me to do anything at all. There is my small contribution to this blog, and, while I wrote this, Wakefield ran through the heart of the Tigers line-up much like a Taco Bell burrito runs through my ass after a long night of drinking. Ouch!!! End of 4, Tigs still down 3-0. Back to AC.....
That was Steve Otterbein folks, soon to be Steve Bloemers as he will be getting married to the lovely Tessa Bloemers in about ohh...432 days (thanks to Tessa's Facebook profile for providing that information which up until this point was merely a number. But now, shit just got real for Steve who has broken into a cold sweat).
Wakefield has retired 11 straight Tigers now. That is one less a dozen batters he's faced who have not reached the base. Whoops make that 12 after Sheff strikes out, whoops that's 13 now. Holy mother of God.
Wait wait wait what the hell is this...BUD LIGHT LIME??? Is it really necessary to come out with Bud Light Lime? Does the addition of lime into beers suddenly make them Mexican beers? Are limes somehow very prevalent in Mexico? Does Mexico have the world lime market cornered like OPEC does oil? And what happened to the "Never fruit a beer," man law? Does that not apply anymore? Are men worldwide now able to fruit their beers without fear of negative reprisal? Or did the beer establishment just find a way for non beer lovers to inconspicuously fruit their beer without actually putting real fruit in it, therefore eliminating any odd look they may receive while at a bar or in a social setting? If I really wanted the taste of lime in my beer I would mix it with Kool-Aid. Speaking of Kool-Aid, lime is far and away the best flavor of Kool-Aid and if anyone says otherwise I will knife fight you in an Ypsilanti alley.
Whoa, what happened I blacked out? Oh, yeah that would be 16 straight batters sat down for Wakefield. My head hurts.
As per usual, Robertson gets hosed on a 2-2 pitch that was apparently too low for Papi and he hits the next pitch about 700 feet into the right field stands. Umpire gives Ortiz a gift of a call on the 2-2 pitch and basically tells him to hit the next belt high fastball into the goddamned Detroit River. Just because he's Big Papi, doesn't mean he's above a backwards K in the score book. Crooked ass umpires. Roberston's day is over. Rookie Freddy Dolsi comes into face Manny Ramierez and on the first pitch he hits it directly above the 420 mark in center. Welcome to the big leagues youngster, enjoy your cup of coffee before you drive back to Toledo. 5-0 Sox.
Good news everyone! Guillen gets on base after Pedroia boots a routine grounder breaking the streak at 17. Bad news is he is stranded at first and the Red Sox are up again in the top of the 8th.
"Nice to hear a shout out from the singing hot dog guy on the broadcast," great observation Otter. Problem is people don't go to the game to hear some asshole sing about hot dogs. Why can't people just be normal? I miss Sean Casey. Maybe he's the missing link here. Something has to happen with these Tigers. It is just killing me to see them play like this. They have these brief flashes of brilliance where they look like things are coming together and they're an actual team but lately there is nothing to even cling to hope about. I think some sort of major shake up has to be made or we as fans can get used to the idea of watching everyone else in the playoffs. And yes, I know it's only May but come on!
It's official, this team has no heart. Sheffield gets called out on strikes on a pitch that was up around his eyes after questioning the pitch before which was also called a strike. Instead of arguing the call and maybe firing some people up, he just looks at the man behind the plate, shakes his head and strolls back to the dugout. This is getting just stupid right now. You're down 5 runs and about to drop your fifth straight game and everyone on the team acts like it's no big deal. Losing five games in a row IS A BIG DEAL! Top of the ninth coming and the way these guys are playing, I'm not even going to say anything about it. What a complete and total waste of time.
CAN WE GET SOME GUM TIME PLEASE??
2 comments:
Dear Cole,
Are you fucking kidding me, lime Kool Aid? Try grape buddy. You of all people should know the awesome-ness of grape anything living in Ypsi.
Love,
Jerm
Dear Tobacco Juice Sports Blog,
You are the wind beneath my wings. I read you everyday, usually thrice. I laugh and giggle and wonder how you can sound so intelligent in typeface, but so oft retarded when we speak in person. Regardless, please keep the goods coming.
On the Tigers......I am about fed up, I'm about 2 weeks away from spending good money to sit near the dugout and give these prima dona fucks a dose of reality. Up to and including but not limited to: booing, negative talk, screaming, loud booing, yelling, intense criticism (warranted or otherwise), mama jokes, louder booing, spitting, shouting, even louder booing, cursing, asking leyland to go back to Perrysburg if he won't go off on the over payed bunch, extended - one breath boos that make everyone wonder how an overweight, smoking, chewing, drunk fucker like me can swallow a ball park with one breath and boo through a 5 pitch bottom half in the next, calling the Illitch family filthy-idiot Greek criminals as i further line their pockets in typical Cole fashion with a $5 Hot n Ready which magically changes to a $10 hot n ready at the park (Fuck Supply and Demand), calling Pudge a washed up bum who is nothing without the juice while he prepares to swing at the first pitch and proceed to a.)ground out to short b.) pop out to left or c.)stike out swinging on a slider away, boo Brandon Inge - Cuz fuck him too, he sucks, i like the guy and actually am glad he's on this team, but he needs to check himself...he walks around with far too much confidence...your a poor man's poor man your a 1/2 tool player that gets by on athleticism and people only like you cuz you've been here for a while and like other Detroiters, no one else wants you, this could go on forever but at some point my buzz will get the best of me and I'll have to retreat to the outfield with the rest of the smokers and will never make it back to my seats. I will then pay the bathroom attendant above the bleachers $20 to let me in the exit door for the rest of the game, smoke a half a pack and not really watch an entire at bat the rest of the day.
I don't even know if I completed my thought there....I ranted and worked myself up so much that I can't even scroll back up and read that shit lest I want to claim the Cubs as my team, and lets face it, that is about as cool as fruit flavored beer. And yes I said flavored, it is perfectly acceptable to put fruit IN your beer, but not in fact cool to drink fruit flavored beer. Cole, with all of your growth these past few years I'm suprised to know that you still hold onto your narrow minded definitions of "things a man does" or doesn't do. I wax my eyebrows, I've had mani's and pedi's, I have shaved my chest, abs, gut, butt, buttch, gootch, put fruit in beers (by the way have you had any Oberon yet?), so to a salon not a barber (or borics) I enjoy shopping, cooking and maintaining a nice clean home, I like babies, I drink wine never from a box or bag, I know how to use a vibrator and I'm kinda scared of the dark.....wait I might be gay.
Juan gone played here for more than one season.......but I'm with you get him the fuck out of the concourse, and while your at it, get rid of the fucking baseball ferris wheel and redo that food court and beer garten they both suck, but keep the carosel, i got no beef with the carosel. And bring back the fucking pepsi porch....fuck thsoe corporate parties....I want to stand on a picinic table just like I did when we clinched the series against the evil empire in '06....
I need to start blogging.....but I can't stay focused on one topic long enough......I've got so much to say but I'm too crazy to get it all out.
whackin it in waterford
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